Apr 18, 2014 | By: A Woman

Living 'Direction' as a Living Word - Day 467

This is a continuation to my recent blogs From Limitation to Direction - Day 465 and The start of 'Direction' as a living expression - Day 466. I strongly suggest that if you haven't already, read through these 2 blogs for context to this blog post.

 

So, I made the commitment to start my process of 'Direction' and within that, accepting that it would be a learning curve through a moment by moment living application. 'Learning curve', from the dimension that I was not pre-programmed to 'Direct' in how I am assisting and supporting myself in becoming a living expression of 'Direction' as a living principle of 'What is best for all' ; my pre-program design of  'direct' myself/people/situations was according to a self interest starting point, in fulfilling my wants/needs/desires. Within this thus, I realized that It is a process of Creation - creating within and as myself, 'Direction' as a living word, a living expression of myself which is created through/by  accumulation of moment by moment living application of 'Direction'.

 

The night of publishing the blog: From Limitation to Direction - Day 465, I couldn't sleep, I was fully awake, restless; Without my awareness, I accessed a point of limitation again where in my mind, I would blame another for not directing a point that I asked them to direct for me because I saw myself as unauthorized or powerless in directing a specific point. Here, I noticed that there is a problem because just a few hours ago I have made an agreement with myself to start my process of 'Direction' and yet again, I was falling into the pre-program design of blaming another for not directing points for me.

 

Initially, when I saw that I accessed the pattern again, I stood up from within myself and said: "No, this is bullshit- I see where the 'urge' of blaming another is coming from, I see that I require to direct the point myself but this can wait for tomorrow  because it is time to sleep now". BUT - nope, I was still very much awake.

 

Then a memory came up - my father once told me that when solving a mathematical equation, drawing the question leads to half of the solution; I also remembered how Bernard used to show us how to present to others that which he was speaking about. Meaning, while he was presenting a new concept or a new direction, he would also draw his words on a piece of paper as a way of ensuring that everyone has a tangible understanding of that which he was speaking about.

 

So I got up, took my note book and started to organize my thoughts by drawing the structure as a solution that I was looking at - I wanted to assess if what I saw in my mind does actually make sense in the physical reality on a practical level. I enjoyed the drawing part - it was like getting a new puzzle and now I had to match the pieces and put them in the right location. When I was done, I was pretty satisfied because I was now ready to present the solution that I was seeing to the group I was working with and within that, to finally direct the point to its upmost potential. At that stage, I could put my body to rest.

 

The  next day, I presented the point to the group and everyone were clear and could follow the flow charts that I drew and at the end of my presentation,  we were all on the same page,  a decision was made immediately and taaaa daaaa - a point of direction that I was struggling with for so long,  was now structured and directed. 

 

Promise Stretched Canvas PrintWhat I realized from this event is the following:

In the past, when I asked someone to direct points for me, I was basically stating within myself that I'm limited, powerless and inadequate in being able to stand as the point of direction. However, what I haven't realized before was that the only reason why I 'felt' this way was because the 'direction' was not clearly defined within myself and instead of taking responsibility and clearly define the direction within myself, I shifted the responsibility towards another to figure out how to direct a specific point which within that, I believed that I won't be accountable for the manifested outflows. Here obviously, there are many other dimensions involved whereas for instance, it is 'easier' to ask someone else to find a way to direct a point because if the direction will not manifest to best outcome, I could blame the other for the decision that they made in how they  directed a specific point. I will expand about this points more in one of the next blogs to come.

Thus, the
practical correction here - When and as I see myself going to another expecting them to direct a point that I see required to be directed, I stop, I take a breath in and I remind myself that I haven't clearly defined the direction within myself and therefore, instead of looking for solutions outside of myself, I place 'Direction' within and as me and until the solution presents itself and clearly defined within myself.

Within the example above,  holding the information in my brain was not sufficient as I didn't stand equal and one to the information and therefore, the correction here was to bring all  the information 'here' and draw everything on a piece of paper to visually see the time lines in the physical reality and how everything can practically come together to manifest the best outcome.

This is not an absolute point wherein, sometimes I may not see all the information and therefore, won't be able to utilize the tool of drawing to structure the information effectively. Within my process of 'Direction', I may find that there are other tools that I am able to utilize to assist and support myself to express the direction that I see fit. There would also be times where I self honestly won't see any practical solution/direction, I then commit myself to discuss with the other the problem that I am seeing and through communication, we utilize the power of 2 or more in my name as we together look for solutions/directions that we are able to stand as.

 

And with how process works - when one point is walked, the next point opens up for one to walk - so stay tuned as I continue sharing the process of 'Direction'.

 

---

Art work - Dottie Gleason

Apr 12, 2014 | By: A Woman

The start of 'Direction' as a living expression - Day 466

The day that I've finished the blog -  From Limitation to Direction - Day 465 a fascinating point opened up. On the outside, everything seems to be normal, it was just another ordinary day but in the inside, there was undefined movement that was vibrating inside my whole body. Initially, I interpreted the intensity as 'something is wrong, something isn't working' and from there, I accessed the pre-programmed energy signature of how I lock myself into the point of needing to control my environment but at the same time, there was nothing to control so what I done was what I "knew" best to do - to push myself to work even harder than I normally do as a statement within myself that the only way to 'fix' the problem is by standing as an example.  BUT - at the same time, I was familiar with the pattern that I accessed to and so, it was a Red Flag for me to slow down for a moment and investigate what's really going on inside myself.

 

So, I had a look at what the specific 'intensity' or 'Intense vibration' that is moving inside my body and interestingly enough, it felt like the moment before an earthquake, where everything is starting to vibrate intensely before all the structures/buildings collapsing. In reality, if a building has a solid foundation, a structure, the building will most likely to survive the earthquake but if a building is rocky and the foundation wasn't laid effectively, the building will fall.

 

This led me to look at what within my responsibilities, or the tasks that I have direct involvement with, is not laid effectively, where a structure is missing, where the foundation is rocky. When I identify the 'missing brick' so to speak, I could see inside myself how to build a solid structure so that the 'Building' is standing strong. Once I saw that, the movement inside my body stopped, it was quiet again.

 

BUT - now, it is one thing to see the problem and the solution and it is another thing to actually direct the point and especially when the point involves other people rather than just me. Now I was standing the face of 'Direction' where it was my responsibility to direct the point and ensure that effective structure is in place BUT, I didn't want to stand as the point of direction as I didn't feel that I have the 'Authorization' to direct the point. At the same time, I realized it was my responsibility to direct the point because I was the one who saw not only the problem but also the solution so the only thing I knew how to support myself with was first to work with myself and apply Self Forgiveness. Then I remembered: "Oh Shit, I've been cycling this point for quite a while now because I already started with SF on the point of Direction and Limitation and yet, I never took Absolut responsibility for this point so it is about time that I will".

 

I went back to my drawing board and opened the document that I started 6 months ago, surprisingly enough, the blog was complete, the SF was aligned, the Commitments were aligned and the only thing that was not aligned was ME in my commitment to stand by and as the written word. I realized that I haven't published the blog because for me, I would only publish a blog if I am absolute self honestly able to stand by the written word.

 

With publishing the blog that day, I started a new process of assisting and supporting myself to stand as 'Direction' as a living expression of myself. From there, interesting things opened up that I will be sharing in the next blogs to come.

Apr 6, 2014 | By: A Woman

From Limitation to Direction - Day 465

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be dependent on another to direct points 'for' me instead of expanding myself by seeing, observing and learning how to effectively direct points. In this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that by creating a dependency on another to direct points 'for' me, I am limiting myself in the belief that I'm unable to effectively direct points myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in Anger towards another when they are not 'here' to direct points 'for' me and within that anger, leaving the point that require direction undirected, not realizing that if I was the one who saw that a specific point require direction, I am also the one who is able to find a solution and direct.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT seen, realize and understood how I have sabotaged my process of standing as a point of direction as an expression of myself as I've projected  anger towards another not directing a point which I see require direction and within that also limited my process of expansion as I've not stood up from within myself and trained myself to effectively direct a point that comes to my face to its utmost potential.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not Trust myself for being able to effectively direct specific points and thus, believed that I'm dependent on another to direct specific points 'for' me and within the distrust of myself, I haven't allowed myself to expand myself, to expand the way I look at things, expand the way I observe people, situations and events and accordingly, develop a direct seeing of what is here as solutions and how to effectively direct that which is here as an expression of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to within the belief of not being able to direct a specific situation with another human being, to in fact physically live this belief of myself as my living application which within that, I would accept and allow myself to build up and accumulate energy as emotions such as frustration, resentment, anger and judgment towards another without realizing that I must first direct these points within myself to ensure that when I look again at the points, I see what is really physically presented here and accordingly, effectively direct the points if/when the point still require direction.

 

I forgive myself that I've NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that the moments that I find myself incapable of directing a point are moments where I am busy reacting within myself and so, the solution would be to first clear and stabilize myself so that I can then move to seeing solutions that I am able to apply/direct.

 

I commit myself to when and as I see a point that require direction, to first turn the point back to myself and direct within myself any and all sort of reactions I have towards the point. Then, when I self-honestly see that I'm stable and clear, I direct myself to find solutions within and as myself. I realize  that solutions are presenting itself when/as I'm clear within myself and so, I commit myself to trust that I will see a solution so long as I am not reacting and standing in clarity and stability within myself.

 

I commit myself to NOT accept and allow myself to limit myself within the belief that I'm not able to effectively direct a point because I realize that within the belief of not being able to direct specific point, I'm giving my power to my mind where I would start accumulating and build up all sort of energetic reactions, which creates a smoke screen from which I'm literally unable to see what is really here, what requires direction and what would be the approach/solutions that would be best to apply.
 

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to depend on another to direct points 'for' me but to instead slowly but surely develop direct seeing skills through which I would allow myself to direct points within myself and my environment as an expression of who I am within the principle of 'what is best for all'. I realized that creating dependency towards another to direct points 'for' me is a limitation of myself as I haven't given me the opportunity to face the point myself, investigate who I am in relation to the point ,what can I learn from it so that I could also stand as a point of direction when/if the moments comes up again.

Apr 4, 2014 | By: A Woman

Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 5) - Day 464

When I started walking the blog series - "Emotional Attachment and Physical connection", I had no idea that what would emerge from this blog series would be an introspection of relationships as a whole. The more I investigate the point, the more I expose myself to what relationship actually is and how relationships are currently lived. In my last blog, I asked myself - 

 

"is it that we fear losing the other being, or is it that we fear losing the Positive Energy Experience? Is it that our relationships to others is based on the type of energy we can draw from them or is it a relationship that is based on a physical connection, where we are able to share and express ourselves with one another?"

 

It is interesting because the reasons why it was relatively "easy" (for a lack of a better word) from the sense of not experiencing so much resistance to open up these points within myself, was due to the starting point being to investigate the reaction towards an animal being sick as oppose to a human being sick. The reason being - the Value we give to a Human in our mind is for the most part greater than the value we give to an Animal (Which is another blog by itself) and so, the resistance to open up the point if it was a human, most likely to be far more intense as oppose to the resistance being in relation to an animal.

 

Obviously this point is extensive as I now see that I require to investigate each and every relationship that I have ever had or still have with individuals. For instance, what I have started doing is to bring the relationship with all its memories here, and see who I am in the relationship to this individual and the memories and then, in side myself I imagine that the being is gone for some reason, and I assess who I am then, when they are no longer in my reality - what energy moves inside myself, what thoughts comes up and so on. Then, I bring everything back here, see again what moves inside myself. This is how I assist and support myself in identifying the Emotional Attachment and Name the Specific Energy that is the starting point of that relationship.

 

Next what I will be doing is assisting and supporting myself to Transform the energy connection to a physical connection where I am able to express/share myself with others as a living physical expression of myself whereas, their presence or absence  in my reality is not dependent on Who I AM as a living expression.

 

So it is going to be an interesting point to walk through, first with myself and then as a physical correction - will share more as I move ahead..

 

 

Mar 30, 2014 | By: A Woman

Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 4) - Day 463

Within this blog series, I have shared with you how I investigate a reaction that I had when I heard that one of the dog is sick. What seemed to be a very 'small' reaction, opened up a fascinating point in understanding better how the mind works and its relationship to relationship we have with others beings (animals and humans). So if you haven't already, I suggest reading through the blog series:

 

Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 1) - Day 460

Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 2) - Day 461

Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 3) - Day 462

 

When I opened up the point with Sunette, she explained the design of Emotional Attachment - emotional attachments are very specific, wherein, when one had form an emotional attachment to another being, there will be ONE particular energy experience connected to that ONE being. So in other words, with every being we have emotional attachment to, each one of these beings would represent one particular and specific energy experience that we unconsciously believe that we are unable to stand as, as an expression of ourselves and thus, we require having a being around to activate the energy experience for us to access it.

 

Now, to understand Emotional Attachment, one have to understand the basic principle of Energy - Energy is ALWAYS polarized, when positive energy exists, Negative energy Exists. To expand your understanding on Energy - please visit EQAFE and listen to the Quantum Mind Self Awareness Series

 

Emotional attachment is based on polarized dependency structure where the negative emotional energy would protect the truth of the positive energy experience that one had associated with another being. Meaning, the positive would imply that we perceive the other being to give us something that we are unable to give to ourselves - and the negative would suppress or hide the positive, of how we have defined our relationship to another. This creates a relationship of dependency rather than a relationship that is based on mutual support structure.

 

So to make it clearer, let's have a look at my relationship with Gracie - I have found that the Word that describe best the ONE positive energy experience that Gracie gives me is Comfort. Meaning, I was able to access the Energy experience of feeling comfort when Gracie is around. Within this, I have created a dependency relationship to Gracie wherein, only when Gracie is around, I could access the Positive Energy Experience of feeling comfort. To Balance the Positive Energy, Negative Energy must be created and that I did every now and then by being concern about Gracie's health. For instance, one day, I hangout with Gracie and enjoyed the comfort in her presence and all of a sudden, I had concerns because her skin was too pink and irritated due to the amount of hours she spent in the pool without giving her body the time to dry itself. Now, in self honesty, the concerns were more in the nature of fear because practically, it does make sense that if the skin is wet for so long without being dried properly, the skin will be irritated but instead of being concern about it, the practical step would be to support the skin by simply dry it properly.

 

When the Vet called and said she needs to be tested again, it activate the Negative Energy Experience within myself as a reaction. The nature of the reaction was actually, a fear of lose which was implied by the words I spoke at that moment - "Why all the animals I am attached to have to die" (for context - Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 1) - Day 460)

 

Here is an example of how we are solidifying the dependency relationship to other beings in our lives where we had associated Positive Energy Experience we are accessing to, when they are around or when we think about them, but at the same time, we generate Negative Energy Experience when for instance, we have concerns of fears that something bad is going to happened to them which implies fear of lose. The circling between the Positive and the Negative keeps the dependency relationship intact as we normally would never question the positive or the negative energy we have created and keep on creating towards the other being. The consequences of not questioning this point is a life of Energy expression that is dependent on Positive and Negative instead of creating ourselves as independent beings where we are able to access specific expressions as a living expression of who we are.

 

This actually led me to ask myself the next question - is it that we fear losing the other being, or is it that we fear losing the Positive Energy Experience? Is it that our relationships to others is based on the type of energy we can draw from them or is it a relationship that is based on a physical connection, where we are able to share and express ourselves within one another?

 

More in the next blog.

Mar 27, 2014 | By: A Woman

Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 3) - Day 462

IMG_20130228_193514In the Previous Blog, I started walking the investigation process in relation to a reaction that I had within myself when I heard that one of the dogs in my house is sick. It is Fascinating how one single and small reaction opens up a lot within oneself. So if you haven't already, I suggest first reading the first 2 blogs:

Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 1) - Day 460

Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 2) - Day 461

 

Within this blog, I will expand the paragraph from the second blog:

"The other dimension where the pack is standing as a stability point in my life - again, it is not THE dimension that I am working with here because I left them so many times and I was stable within myself and thus, I came to the conclusion that feeling of "I'm never alone" is a mind trick that I used to suppress the real issue that I haven't seen yet."

 

Here, I want to explain what does it means that the mind played tricks on me and what was the purpose of such a "trick".

 

To understand this point, it is best if you also read through the blogs series where I shared about my relationship with Yalda:

My Dog as my Comfort Zone - Day 251

My Relationship with My Dog Continue - Day 253

My Relationship with my Dog - Self Forgiveness - Day 254

Pets as a reflection of Self Intimacy - Day 252

 

If you read these blogs, you would see how my relationship with Yalda was based on ONE element that I wasn't able to give to myself at that time, which was the 'Not Feeling Alone' experience that I placed Yalda, to stand as/for me. Meaning, instead of assisting and supporting myself to stand alone within stability, I shifted the responsibility towards my dog so that she could stand as that point for me.

 

With Yalda no longer being part of my direct environment when I moved to the farm, initially, I replaced the experience that Yalda gave me of 'not feeling alone' with the pack of dogs that we have on the farm. Why the whole pack? Because I didn't want to form a relationship with a dog because I didn't know how long will I stay on the farm and I didn't want to experience again the emotional experience when leaving another dog behind.

So, as a pack, it is not so personal in comparison to a one on one relationship with one dog so I just placed all of them together within myself so that I will never feel alone and that was until Babitjie came into my life and "forced" me to get over my shit and to allow myself to connect again to another being. At the same time, it was when I was already in a process of walking the correction of standing alone regardless of who is or isn't in my environment as a point of self trust.

 

The interesting thing that opened up in relation to the statement that the mind played tricks on me - here the mind used past association that I've created in my mind in relation to the experience of not feeling alone = the pack even though the association doesn't exist anymore as an expression of myself. Thus, when I started looking at my reaction to Gracie being sick, this point came up as if it is the primary point I must look at in my relationship to Gracie in how for instance, Gracie's presence fulfil the experience of not feeling alone however, if I would to stop investigating there, I would have missed THE dimension of what animals give me that I'm not able to give to myself.

 

Here again, we have to understand how the mind works - even though I no longer associate animals to the feeling of 'not being alone' experience - when the association between Gracie/Yalda/Pack = 'not feeling alone' came up, it "felt" as if this is the point that I was working with which is exactly how suppression manifest when  the primary point doesn't reveal itself and yet, I was for a moment, under the impression that THIS IS the point. When one is under the impression that one had found the point one was working with, one would normally not push oneself to discover more dimensions within oneself within one's process of change.

 

So, when I investigate points within myself, I would always cross reference myself. What I normally do is bringing the trigger point that activate the reaction 'here' and then I assess my physical body, to see whether there is or isn't any energetic movement within myself. The principle is - if in self honesty nothing moves within myself, than I'm satisfied that the point is clear but if there is a movement inside myself, even the slightest movement, I will continue checking and investigating the point within myself and when I'm done, I would again bring the moment here and assess any energy movement throughout my body. In cases where the movement is undefined, I would also cross reference the points with others to see if they see something that I haven't seen.

 

With the Gracie point, it was undefined movement and so, I went to speak with Sunette and what she explained, opened up an interesting point which I will share in the next blog.

 

Mar 24, 2014 | By: A Woman

Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 2) - Day 461

IMG_3574newIn my previous blog, I started to investigate the difference between Emotional attachment and Physical Connection as I saw a reaction within myself towards one of the dogs that was sick. Thus, for context, please read through the previous blog as this series also show a practical example for how to assist and support oneself in investigating points within oneself through a process of writing.

(Emotional Attachment and Physical connection (Part 1) - Day 460)

 

 

 

 

 

I ended off with looking at 2 dimensions that might explain my reaction towards Gracie being sick:

  1. Gracie's Nature is extremely similar to my dog that I left behind when I moved to the farm. I was extremely attached to my dog, Yalda, and it took me months to release the emotional connection that I formed within myself however, the characteristics that Yalda has, are very similar to Gracie's so forming a relationship connection with Gracie was very natural.
  2. How Gracie in particular and the pack in general stand as stable point in my life whereas, they are always here when I wake up, they are always here when I go to sleep, they are always here when I come home... And within that, I never feel alone. 

 

However, within myself, I "knew" that it was not THE dimension that I was working with in relation to Gracie because when I looked again at these points above, and checked within myself, I realized that it cannot be it because I have already walked these points and tested myself in the physical reality.

For context - For 2 whole years, I didn't allow myself to see Yalda, my dog, when I went to visit my home town; I felt that if I would, I would confuse both her and I due to the nature of our relationship that we had before I gave her a way, where we were both extremely dependent on each other's presence. I wanted to make sure that none of us would experience the traumatic experience of separating from each other again, and I considered that as long as I carry the emotional attachment within me, she would pick it up and access the experience herself because, from the feedback that I received from her adopting family, she was quite depressed when in the first few weeks after I gave her away.

 

Once I was stable within myself in relation to my relationship with Yalda and I  ensured that I walked through all the dimensions, I tested my application in the physical reality. I dared myself after 2 years to go and assess who I am in relation to Yalda when/as I see her in the physical reality - I went to visit Yalda in one of my home trips - it was an absolute pleasure seeing and playing with her again. I found that the emotional attachment was no longer there, it was pure expression of both Yalda and I enjoying each other and when it was time to leave again, nothing inside me moved. Obviously, here one must understand that in no way it means that I no longer care about Yalda - all it means is that the relationship with Yalda is not emotional relationship but rather a physical connection that we share with each other. I obviously went to test myself for the second time when I visit my home town 6 months after and again, when we met each other, it was enjoyable as if time didn't play a rule in our physical relationship that still very much existent.

 

Thus, for me it means that the first dimension that I was looking at in the context of Gracie and Yalda is not THE point - my relationship with Gracie has nothing to do with Yalda per say.

 

The other dimension where the pack is standing as a stability point in my life - again, it is not THE dimension that I am working with here because I left them so many times and I was stable within myself and thus, I came to the conclusion that feeling of "I'm never alone" is a mind trick that I used to suppress the real issue that I haven't seen yet. (This, I will expand on my next blog)

 

So, I set down again and continued investigating the reaction within myself. I was asking myself - what do animals give me that I am not yet accepting and allowing to give to myself? Meaning, what is the specific emotional attachment that I form with some animals as a way to fulfil something inside me that I feel lacking of.

 

The primary point that I'm looking at is the relationship or the difference, to be more specific, between emotional attachment and intimate physical connection with another being, say a human or an animal.

The point with Yalda shows very clearly that by removing the emotional attachment, a physical connection is emerging and if anything the relationship is much more real so from that perspective, I have decided to investigate my relationship to each and every being I have form an emotional attachment to, find what is the specific point that I perceived them to give me which I am not giving to myself and accordingly, I could transform the emotional relationship to a physical connection that stand the end of times.

 

By now, it is obvious to me that I have not yet got deep enough into this point within myself as these points keep on coming up recently which you can also read in the blog: "Over Sensitive".

 

Will continue sharing - stay tuned.