Oct 14, 2014 | By: A Woman

Developing a sales business mind - The Comfort Zone (Part 4) - Day 472

imageIf you haven't already, I suggest before continuing reading this blog, to firstly go through the first 3 blogs the series "Developing the Business Mind""



From my previous blog post:

"…I often hear people that are in the process of giving up that they have done everything in their power to make their business work yet, they keep on failing. When opening the point with them, there are underlying currents of excuses, justification and projected blame as to why they are not making it in sales. This has primarily to do with the main 2 components that we discussed thus far- the 'WHY' and 'Effective Numbers game' application.

I looked at this point and the process that I've walked and I found that there is one more primary component that needs to be realized and applied in one's process of developing a sales business mind - the Comfort Zone - this will be discussed in the next blog post."


An interesting thing that I found with regards to the 'Comfort Zone' is that in many cases, the comfort zone is not necessarily a physical place that we feel comfortable at - Fascinating enough, the comfort zone is primarily inside our own MIND. Let me explain:


As a sales person, 80% of your time should be allocated for lead generation, to ensure a consistent flow of the business where new clients come on board on a regular basis. Once they have leads, the next step is to call these leads and schedule appointments and afterwards, make the sale. Some sales people would develop a resistance to lead generations, others would create a resistance to scheduling appointments, others would have resistance to make the appointments - but all sales people at some stage or another would experience a resistance, even if it is just a slight resistance. 


Resistance has usually to do with fears or beliefs about ourselves like: "I don't want to make mistakes", "I feel that I am not ready", "I need to perfect myself before I meet people", "I don't know what to say" and so forth.


Resistance can also be due to difficulties with following a strict routine like for instance, having to do the same thing every day can create the experience of boredom inside of ourselves and we would want to rebel against our strict schedule with saying to ourselves, for instance: "I don't want to do it today, I will do it tomorrow" or "I made enough sales this month, let's just chill out".


Another type of resistance that a salesperson may face occurs just before they go out for an appointment, here I found that the resistance is mostly undefined, very slight, not so many thoughts around it - it is primarily an experience - this I will open up in one of my next blog posts.


In this blog post, I would like to share about my own experience that I faced in relation to scheduling appointments and how I supported myself to step out of the resistance and apply that which I needed to apply:


What I found for myself in my previous work place is my tendency to pick up the phone and call people BUT 90% of my calls where towards my old clients, aiming to give them a service, follow up on them, maintaining my relationship with them - though, in self honesty - it was an escape from having to deal with new people; I felt much more comfortable talking with my existing clients rather than recruiting new clients.


I remember a time where my boss asked me why am I not scheduling new appointments - I looked at him and said - "you have no idea how busy I am with giving service to my clients - it takes up most of my day to give them the best service that I can". And I mean, with me saying that in the tonality that I expressed myself as - no one could argue with me, I sounded so confident in my words as if giving service to my existing clients is the most important thing in the world.

So - my justifications/excuses were validated by my work environment which for a moment, I actually believed that I must only focus on existing clients and get referrals here and there, instead of aligning my schedule in such a way where I do give service to existing clients BUT, spending most of my time to lead generation and scheduling appointments so that my business could grow effectively.


The resistance that I faced was with contacting new people, with creating a relationship with new people opposed to feeling 'safe' with the clients that I already know. To me, contacting new people met with great effort on a mental level - this part of the business was not yet natural to me in the sense that I could just do it without having to think about what to say or how to act. By allowing myself to resist this part of the business instead of supporting myself to master the application as a living expression of myself, I compromised my business by going into my comfort zone in the mind, accepting my resistance to interact with new people (prospect clients).


What do I mean by 'Comfort Zone' - the mind keeps on bringing excuses and justifications that at times, seem so real and right. By accepting these resistances as validated thoughts, justifications and excuses, we allow ourselves to not follow through with what we planned to do, but instead we fall back to what we naturally good at. In my case, I was naturally good in giving services to my clients, maintaining my relationship with them, making sure that they are happy with the product and/or the company. In this, there was no mental effort on my side - it was an easy application - this was my mental comfort zone.


When I investigated my resistances to do lead generation and/or call to schedule appointments - one of the dimensions that I found was the idea that I was bored with this type of routine; meaning, this was the excuse that I primarily used inside myself to not step out of my comfort zone. When opening up the point of boredom, I found that I haven't effectively integrated the concept of the numbers game so every time I was about to call a new prospect clients I had this thought: "No, not again, I don't want to do it". So what I then did to support myself in physically stepping out of my comfort zone was to find ways to make it entertaining when contacting a new prospect client. I would, for instance, give myself challenges like: "while calling this client, stand on one foot" or " while calling this client, stand on the chair" lol. Another method that I found was to change my script and every time pitch differently - In this, I transformed the boredom experience into something that is fun and entertaining, not allowing the mind to have any justifications and excuses such as boredom.


By changing the dynamic when calling new people, I started to enjoy contacting new people and the resistances that I faced before, started to fade away. Essentially, as I pushed through and applied the techniques of contacting new people, I perfected the skill within myself and eventually it became a normal living expression of myself that didn't require any mental effort.


Will continue  with the comfort zone concept more in the next blog post


Oct 11, 2014 | By: A Woman

Developing a sales business mind - The Numbers Game (Part 3) - Day 471

Richard Diebenkorn, Seated Woman No. 44, 1966 Watercolor, charcoal, gouache and crayon Courtesy Fine Arts Study Collection, University at Albany, State University of New York  In my Previous blog, I ended off with the statement:

"…In business and especially in sales, we cannot allow ourselves to be influenced by emotions/reactions/frictions - we have to ground ourselves and be consistent within our daily application. Having a 'WHY' is of great support if the 'why' is genuine and can stand the test of time. Test of time meaning - when the 'why' is so strong inside yourself where it doesn't matter what you face, it won't change who you are and what you stand for/as. So, if you are in sales and you haven't yet allocated your own individual 'why' - I suggest you take a moment and find inside of yourself your 'why' to support yourself in difficult times. With having the 'why' and understanding the 'number game' (which I will explain in my next blog) - nothing is impossible…"

One of the first things that you learn as a sale person is the term 'numbers game' - the more prospects you identify, the more contacts you make, the more appointments you have, the more sales you make. Though, if it was as simple as that, we would all have been rich by now won't we?

When I first got a direct sales job, my boss wanted to measure my level of commitment or, in other words - he wanted to see how far I will push myself to make the business work and in that, what creative ways I could come up with to make it work. He called me 2-3 days before I started my first day and he asked me to prepare a list of 500 potential clients before I come to work. Obviously, I didn't know 500 people and even if I would, the people that I knew would not fit the company profile as potential prospects. But, I accepted the challenge and jumped right to the deep water. Little did I know that the list was a test to measure my commitment, creativity and strength but more importantly, it was for me to recognize my ability to stand, direct and create meaning, the list was not so much for my boss but more for me - to eliminate any and all excuses that may come in the future where the statement: "I have no leads" can be valid and instead break through my own limitations to discover the ability to create.

I spent the weekend making lists of people and contact details with the most incredible help that I found - Google; and by the first day of work - I already had extensive lead data base to start working with. When I got to work on the first day, I was briefly trained on the marketing approach, the value of the product that we sold and 2-3 hours later, I was already making phone calls to schedule appointments. Obviously, I was terrible in my real time application, it was so awful that I felt so embarrassed inside myself. But, I had a 'why' in front of my eyes - I couldn't give up even though I really wanted to. With the support of my boss, who is a master in direct sales, I learned from the mistakes I have made and made it a point for myself to investigate what went 'wrong' and align it the next time; basically, I had to realize that perfection is not something that you born with - it is something I must create and become within myself through walking the process of making mistakes, learn from the mistakes, align and correct in the physical reality.

The next problem that I faced was with not completely and effectively understand the 'numbers game' principle and thus, I went into the energetic cycle during the first 3 months as I explained in the first blog post of this blog series. See, in my mind, because I had extensive lead data base, I believed that I am playing the numbers game yet, little to no result actually manifested - I was able to schedule appointments and meet new people though the people that I met with were not the type of clients that were suited for our company and so, my effort was in vein essentially.

For example, the first 500 contact details list that I created was very random and if I would to look a bit deeper at the details, I would have seen that 450 out of the 500 names were not qualified for the type of business that we did at all. That means that I spent all this time making phone calls to 450 people, meeting with a few of them, hoping that the 'numbers game' principle will work for me and when that didn't work out I open the door for me to access the energetic cycle.

Here, I had to understand that hope, cannot take place in a business - I must know the product, know my prospect clients and specify my application to success or otherwise, I will waste my own time
The clock was ticking as there was a 'why' that I had to accomplish very fast which to me was the number 1 priority - I was at the breaking point but I could not allow myself to give up - I had to push myself forward and reach my goals. So I set down with myself and brain storm my options - by the end of the day, I created a new marketing approach to a new market that was never tested/walked at the office - it was a long shot but there was nothing much to lose - I had to create a plan to work in the right market and apply the numbers game. I spent a lot of time in lead generation because that was the heart of the business - if I didn't have qualified leads, there was no business to build. I found lead generation to be the most time consuming part of the business, the most boring part of the business, the most down motivated part of the business AND the most expensive part of the business. Though, if following through the process effectively, specifically and consistently, the lead generation phase turns into gold which is the most rewarding part of the business.

Once I focused the lead generation phase in the right market, with the right people, an interesting thing happened: I still played the numbers game though I had to put in less effort than before (when I worked with the 500 random people list that I made before I started the business). Meaning, previously, I called maybe 100 people, seen 10 people and closed 1 sale. Now, with the focused market list, I called 12 people, met 4 people and closed 2 sales. Thus, with understanding that the game must be played within the right market, my effort and creativity was specific and the only real challenge was to find 12 new prospect every week though, it wasn't a struggle anymore because 12 people, is not a lot to ask for.

So the point here is to understand the relationship between the numbers game principle and the energetic cycle that a sales person goes through when not applying the numbers game effectively, specifically and consistently. It is very easy to blame the business or the product/service and make so many excuses and justifications in the mind as to why the business isn't working for oneself. Though, in self honesty one have to ask oneself at the end of each day: Did I apply the numbers game effectively - did I generate new specific potential leads today? Did I schedule appointments today? Did I had an appointment today? If any of these questions answered with a 'no' than you must realize that you didn't apply the numbers game effectively and you will soon enough access the energetic cycle because you allowed yourself to sit back and stray from your purpose, from your 'why'.

I often hear people that are in the process of giving up that they have done everything in their power to make their business work yet, they keep on failing. When opening the point with them, there are underlying currents of excuses, justification and projected blame as to why they are not making it in sales. This has primarily to do with the main 2 components that we discussed thus far- the 'WHY' and 'Effective Numbers game' application.
I looked at this point and the process that I've walked and I found that there is one more primary component that needs to be realized and applied in one's process of developing a sales business mind - the Comfort Zone - this will be discussed in the next blog post.

Art work: Richard Diebenkorn, Seated Woman No. 44, 1966

Oct 2, 2014 | By: A Woman

Developing a sales business mind - The WHY (Part 2) - Day 470

In my previous blog, I started sharing my experiences in sales from the mind dimension - how I saw my mind influencing my application in the field and within that, how I started to support myself to stop accessing energetic cycles but instead, started to apply  consistency within my day to day living application. I finished off the previous blog with the statement:


"...In creating structure in your day to day living, there is no place for energetic fluctuations as in every moment of the day, you know exactly what needs to be done to make your business a success. Though, if you are not clear on WHY you are doing what you are doing and/or, you do not understand the number game principle of sales, you will very quickly fall into the energetic ride even with having a structural schedule to follow. This will be discussed in the next blog"


Before I go into the number game principle, I would like to focus on the 'WHY' as the 'WHY' is the one point that will support one in challenging times - it is a constant background reminder  that if established genuinely inside oneself, one is able to support oneself in following through one's own decision to walk a certain path and/or achieve certain results.


What is this 'WHY'? The 'WHY' to me is the life force through which I move myself - it is a genuine expression through which I direct my reality - it is why I wake up in the morning, it is why I make the decisions that I make, it is why I dare to take risks, it is why I stand up when I fall.


For some, the 'why' would be their child that they must take care for; for others it may be a long term goal of building orphaned house for example; some would want to live a life of luxury without having to think about their survival and for others the 'why' be to ensure that everyone on earth live a life of luxury without having to think of their survival.


For me, when looking back at my life, it was very hard to commit to a certain job before I established a clear definition to what my 'why' was. It was challenging to be discipline and not fall into emotions when I didn't  have a constant background reminder of why I must overcome the challenges that I faced. I remember how back then, I used to change jobs like socks - the moment I faced a conflict as a reaction inside myself I ran away. This pattern of mine to avoid conflicts and give up even when it meant that I would be unemployed, changed the moment I realized for myself what was/is my 'why'.


With having a 'why', I couldn't accept and allow reactions/conflicts/emotions/feeling to determine who I am and what I do - I had to consciously make the decision to stand up and direct myself in my environment. So for instance with conflicts with a co-workers, I pushed myself to communicate with them so that together we can come up with solutions that would allow us to reach our individuals 'whys'. Within that I found that people that I had conflict with actually held a gift for me as there was always something about myself that I could learn with resolving the conflict.


With reactions/emotions, what I found to work for me in these moments was to stop and remind myself why am I doing what I am doing - what is the greatest purpose within it all. From here, in self honesty, there is no space to slack or to give up because if I do, I would compromise my 'why' and this for me is unacceptable.


Looks, there are moment when the mind takes over and I want to give up or to slack for a moment but the 'why' that I stand equal and one as is my pillar of support through which I push myself to let go of my reactions and move to solutions. It is obviously a process - old patterns do not go away over night - but they are fading away eventually, in accumulation of moments that we support ourselves to change reactions into solutions.


In business and especially in sales, we cannot allow ourselves to be influenced by emotions/reactions/frictions - we have to ground ourselves and be consistent within our daily application. Having a 'WHY' is of great support if the 'why' is genuine and can stand the test of time. Test of time meaning - when the 'why' is so strong inside yourself where it doesn't matter what you face, it won't change who you are and what you stand for/as. So, if you are in sales and you haven't yet allocated your own individual 'why' - I suggest you take a moment and find inside of yourself your 'why' to support yourself in difficult times. With having the 'why' and understanding the 'number game' (which I will explain in my next blog) - nothing is impossible.




art work: Tamara de Lempicka













Sep 28, 2014 | By: A Woman

Developing a sales business mind - understanding the energetic cycle (Part 1) - Day 469

The start of a new business is like Energetic roller-coaster with ups and downs - there are periods where everything seems to be working for us and then the next moment comes and we feel that everything is wrong. Obviously, as long as everything is in order, we indulge in the positive experience and hold on to it as long as we possibly can because deep inside, we know that this positive energy would eventually fade away and we would either experience neutral or negative energy before the positive energy emerge again.


In the business world, the Energetic Roller-Coaster is primarily seen at the beginning phases of the business. For instance, in sales businesses, it takes time for a business to take off the ground. One has to first understand how the business works, what is the value of the product or service that the company sells, who are the target clients, how to reach these potential clients, how to advertise your product/service, how to present your product/service in the most effective way, how to create attractive payment plans, how to manage the cash flow and so forth.


In the beginning, the sales person would invest a lot of money, time and effort into the business with little to no return as there is a process to walk to get the wheel turning on a physical level. Unfortunately, most people do not understand in sales, the actions that one take now, WILL bring result in the future ONLY if they continue driving themselves/business consistently and therefore, most sales people would access energetic cycle through which they would either step out from or give up.


The Energetic cycles that I faced in sales functioned as follows:

In the first month of work, I was super motivated, excited and I pushed myself beyond my own expectations though, I kept forgetting that what I am walking now will only bear fruits in the future. Inevitably, reality knocked on my door and reminded me that the physical reality is moving way slower than how I move myself in my mind and, with forgetting the basic physical principles, I accessed negative energy of frustration, impatience by the end of the third month. This was the breaking point where I had to make a decision - to continue pushing myself and the business or to give up. With the support of my sales mentor, I decided to push myself and the business. Later I realized that it wasn't just me that went into the breaking point at the end of the third month - anyone that came after me to the company faced exactly the same thing where initially they were motivated and slowly but surely their energy level declined and they gave up. I investigated this point further and I found that the 3 months breaking point is a pattern that most sales people face no matter what and where they sell.


Making the decision to continue walking the business wasn't the end of the energetic cycle - after the breaking point phase came the next phase which I call the 'promises phase'. The promises phase is when I started seeing the movement but it was not yet tangible, touchable - it was definitely in the future but not yet completely here. In this phase, I would normally find myself accessing the positive energy of excitement, anticipation and sort of relaxation, as if I can breathe again. This I found to be a dangerous phase - this energy feels so great, you want to stay in it for as long as you can.


On a business level, what I found within myself was a slacking phase wherein, instead of consistently moving the business, I would hold onto the promises that were made, calculate the future income as if the money was already in the bank and thereafter allowed myself to lay back for a moment and do nothing. Obviously, this had to fall because not all promises matured to actual sales and I had to start everything from the beginning because during the slacking phase, I didn't make sure that the movement was constant and so, with starting again, I found myself again in the braking point cycle which could have been detrimental if I would choose to give up at the end of the cycle.


For myself, I realized that I cannot allow myself to cycle through these phases again and again and again - I must apply consistency no matter what the mind is telling me. I realized that Promises is not something that I can work with and I must continue moving myself to source more clients, have more appointments and more sales to ensure the success of my business.


How did I apply consistency as a living expression of myself?

In sales, there is always a pattern of success that one can identify and categorize into a daily living application. For instance, as a sales person, you must generate leads, schedule appointments, make appointments, close the sale, get referrals and support your client with your product/service. As a sales team leader, you must follow up on your team, open opportunities for them, coach them, train them and so forth. Each person must identify the specifics steps that they must walk to ensure their individual success and thereafter, schedule these steps into a daily living application. So with the example of a sale person where you know that you must generate leads every day, schedule appointments, performing appointments, follow up on your clients - place each step as a time frame in your daily schedule. For instance, plan 2 hours of your day to make phone calls wherein, 1 hour is to schedule appointments and another hour to follow up on existing clients.

Each step needs to be pre-defined as to how many hours a day will you devote for the task and thereafter, all you have to do is discipline yourself to commit to the schedule that you created for yourself.


In creating structure in your day to day living, there is no place for energetic fluctuations as in every moment of the day, you know exactly what needs to be done to make your business a success. Though, if you are not clear on WHY you are doing what you are doing and/or, you do not understand the number game principle of sales, you will very quickly fall into the energetic ride even with having a structural schedule to follow.


This will be discussed in the next blog

Sep 14, 2014 | By: A Woman

How comparison can compromise your health (Part 2) Day 486

In this blog post I am sharing how through comparing myself at a young age to other girls in my sport class, I compromise my physical body and my quality of living simply because of a decision that if I am not as good in something like the others, I might as well not do it.


As I mention in the previous blog, most of my life I could manage the lower back pain and the weakness/tiredness to a certain degree. The lower back pain resolved once I started practicing yoga and strengthen my core muscles though with the Anaemia  - this was something that I just had to accept and cope with. or so I believed.


About 6 months ago, I decided to seek homeopathic support as I saw that my body is consistently under pressure - I felt physically tired all the time. It was the first time I saw a professional homeopathic doctor and he asked me questions for about an hour, to source the starting points of my physical weakness. One of the things he focused on was the reasons for the physical tiredness and as he went through my blood tests results, he prescribed specific medication for Anaemia.

He was very clear that one of the components that are missing in my life and that had contributed to my physical tiredness is my day to day life style where I would normally sit and work in front of the computer most of the day without having any kind of sport to support the blood circulation. The specific sport that he was referring to was aerobic sport, which if you had read my previous blog, I had a lot of resistance toward.


Before the meeting with the homeopath doctor, I had in a way, accepted my condition of being physically tired - it was what I always experienced so I didn't actually know anything else. Just towards the end of the appointment, the homeopathic doctor looked at me and say: "I need to be honest with you, to me you look like a sleep walker, as if there is no life force in you". When he spoke these words, I went into shock because to me, even though I was always tired, I experienced myself with a strong life force, always moving, pushing myself, living.. but what he meant was that I got used to being so tired on a regular basis that I couldn't see the affect it has on the physical body and according to the doctor, once I accept that this is not the balanced way of living, I will be able to support myself and my physical body to recover and become healthy again and within that also, to overcome my resistance to sport so that I could utilize sport in a supportive and structured way.


I decided to apply the suggestions that the doctor gave me and the next day, I started practicing sport. Though, with my lack of experience in starting to practice sport, and with my nature to pushing myself to the absolute point, I went on the trampoline, believing that it is 'easy' sport - I pushed myself to the extreme and in 5 min, I was out of breath. It felt like I had asthma attack. Here, I utilized the Desteni tools: I set down, I made sure I am in my physical body, I removed any point of fear of death inside myself and patiently restored my breathing cycle. This experience wasn't easy for me because it clearly showed how limited my physical body had become and what it would take to build and develop the body to a point of being able to do aerobic sport on a regular basis.


A few days after, I had to leave my home environment for 8 weeks - this placed my body under a lot pressure - after 7 weeks away from home, my physical body started to collapse and despite of having homeopathic support, the Anaemia kicked in so hard that every time I came back to the place I was staying in, I had to rest to restore my 'life force'. When I came back home, I allowed myself to rest and relax for a few days, hoping it would balanced out the weakness that I experienced but unfortunately it didn't.


A friend of mine asked me to join her to Squash and I went along to see what Squash was all about. Inside myself, I had this resistance of trying it out for myself because I saw squash as a powerful game that my body wouldn't be able to handle but at the same time, I had to take responsibility for my physical body and support the body to slowly build the strength according to the homeopathic doctor suggestion. I started learning and playing squash and to my surprise, it wasn't as hard as I imagined it to be and on top of it - it is absolute fun.


3 days after the second time I played squash, I looked inside myself and I couldn't believe what I was experiencing - for the first time in my life, I was not tired at all. In fact, I slept less during the nights and I was not tired during the day. I tested this point again and I found out that, as long as I am playing squash 2-3 times a week, my body is great - I am not tired at all. But if I only play one day a week, after 3-4 days, the body is tired again which means that the balance that I am working with is by doing aerobic sport once every 3 days and I am ok for the next couple of days. It's been now more than 2 months that I am playing squash and I never felt as physically good as I feel now.


Unfortunately, I had to walk through the consequences to be able to support my physical body instead of integrating physical support from the get go. Many of us in childhood are busy comparing our skills and/or body image to our peers and accordingly make destructive decisions for ourselves. Imagine that I wouldn't compare myself during my childhood days to my class peers - I would have been able to prevent the accumulation affect on the body - I could have prevented the tiredness experience that I carried throughout my life - I could have supported my physical body throughout all these years. However, as long as the education system is unaware of how the mind works, the structural support is non existing which is why many if not all children are busy comparing themselves to others and thus creating ideas in their mind that are unhealthy to live by.


The point that we need to support the youngster (and ourselves) with is to understand and realize the consequences of comparing one's skills and/or body image to another where one would give up on oneself because one is feeling inadequate in comparison to another. What is not yet understood is the Natural Learning Ability of the body and within that, that each one of us has a different pace of learning and/or developing a physical skill but at the same time, everyone of us have  the potential to develop the necessary skills/abilities with enough time, practice and patience.

For example, when I went on the trampoline, I was utilizing the destructive method that I learned at school - 'push the body to its limit so that you can be the best in comparison to your peers'. But when I realized this one point about Natural Learning Ability wherein, I must consider the body's pace of learning without defining the results as either good or bad in comparison to others, I could walk with the body, equal and one, and slowly develop the necessary skills, the strength, the muscles that would in return, support the body to my best of my current ability.


I will in the future, expand more about the Natural Learning Ability but for now, I would like to make a point that - we tend to compromise ourselves based on comparison to something or someone without understanding the consequences of such decisions.  It is thus important that us as parents, educators, adults, understand how comparison works in the mind and how we can stop comparison ourselves and instead work with what is here to the best of our current abilities.

Aug 30, 2014 | By: A Woman

How comparison can compromise your health (Part 1) Day 485

As a child in a primary school, I didn't like sport classes because I wasn't naturally good in sport in comparison to the other kids in the class. We always had to compete with one another and I used to feel inadequate in these moments. What I disliked the most was the fact that I knew that I will have to compete with my peers and most likely that I will lose or at least not at the top of the list - this didn’t support the negative experiences that I came with to sport classes.


When time passed by and my menstruation started, 2 physical pressure points emerged -

  1. I started experiencing lower back pain
  2. I became Anemic

With having lower back pain and being physically weak due to the anemia, sport class became a complete nightmare because the pain and the physical weakness perpetuated the negative experiences in participating in sport class.


I went to see an orthopedic to give me a waiver from specific parts of sport class - the parts that I wasn't naturally good at  in comparison to my peers. I presented the case in such a way where I connected aerobic sport to my lower back pain so between me and myself, I knew that I manipulated the doctor to come to the conclusion that I must be excused from some of the sport activities but I didn't expect the doctor to fall into the trap so absolutely and give me a full pass from sport class. Obviously, I didn't challenge his decision because I was happy with not having to go to sport class at all. Afterwards, I went to see a gynecologist to support me with the real problem - the hormonal imbalance that started with menstruation  that contribute to the lower back pain and the Anemia. These two points got sorted with medication back in the days.


 It is interesting to noticed how the mind mutates and manipulates points - at some point in time, I actually believed the  orthopedic assessment: 'running = lower back pain' to be real to the extent of eventually believing that aerobic sport was the cause of my back problems even though, commonsensically it could not have been the cause because I was no longer doing any sport and yet, the lower back pain manifested every month, before and during the menstruation days up until the point that I got medication for the hormonal imbalance.

I must say that before the medication, the lower back pain was extensive - once a month, every month, I couldn't move, I couldn't walk and the memory imprint of the pain remained inside of me for quite some time though as I mentioned above, I connected the pain with sport so when ever I had to run or be physically active, the memory of the pain came up and I was worried that the pain will manifest again to that degree where I cannot walk/move.


Over the years, my doctor changed my medication and slowly reduced the hormonal dose intake. eventually, I decided to test my body without any hormonal medication and after some tests,  the doctor agreed that it won't do any harm to test how the body will cope without medication. The monthly back pain returned but it wasn't to the extreme it was before - it was something that I could manage without having to take medication. It was suggested to me to do Yoga but with my relationship to sport and especially when it comes to a group scenario where I compared myself to others, I experience resistance to Yoga.


Though, I pushed myself to give Yoga a go and I was fortunate to have a Yoga instructor that I could relate to and be supported to move through the 'hard' phase into the 'enjoyable' phase of Yoga. I practiced Yoga 3-4 times a week and after a very short time, I suddenly noticed that my lower back pain cease to exist. My lower back problem was for the most part, due to a weakness in the core muscles of my body and with strengthening these core muscles with Yoga, the pain went away till these day even though I no longer practice Yoga very often. Interestingly enough, my belief that 'Sport = lower back pain' still remained  because I didn't see Yoga as sport but as a physical support. To me Sport was only in the context of aerobic exercise.


Will continue in my next blog





Aug 20, 2014 | By: A Woman

How fear can control your life (Part three) - Day 484

In my previous blog, I ended off with the statement:


"Understand that all of these thoughts and fears where not in my conscious mind - I was not even willing to admit it to myself. This is why I fabricated alternate reality for myself where I justified the break up with saying to myself that the relationship is too boring and that I need more excitement in my life. I suppressed everything to fast and so deep that I actually believed myself that exciting relationship was what I needed lol so,  I went off, opting for exciting relationship and for years, in many ways, I led myself to destructive consequences that could have been prevented if only I allowed myself to face my fears and communicate the points openly with my parents."


On many levels, I am grateful for the decisions that I made in my past that led me to where and  who I am today. The purpose of writing these blogs here is to encourage parents and teenagers to develop intimate and supportive communication with one another instead of allowing random events to lead your life and the life of your children and to rather become the directive principle of your life in awareness of the mind processes within the principle of 'Prevention is the best cure'.


For many years I had fears when it came down to having a relationship and I never understood why or what was the source of these fears. On the one hand, I wanted to have a relationship but on the other hand, I was terrified by the thought of being in a committed relationship.

Somewhere in my mind I knew that the relationship I was going for were not the type of relationships through which I am able to grow within myself with the support of another; I knew that the relationships I was going for were destructive in nature and yet, I blindly drawn to these types of relationships, never stopping to assess 'WHY' am I deliberately sabotaging myself and my relationships with others.  Here, it is important that I make it very clear - I was never abused mentally or physically by any of my partners - when I am saying 'destructive in nature' I am referring to relationships of compromise, superficiality, with no real potential - never reaching to a point of absolute vulnerability and exposure with my partners where we are standing as each other support within our process of self-growth.


I mean, the guys I was dating were really good guys in their inner core, there was nothing wrong with them per say - it was the dimension I allowed them to access inside myself that compromised and sabotaged the relationship as within myself, I was not willing to let anyone through me, to my real 'me' as that would mean that I would have to face 'me', my past, my first relationship and everything that I have done after the breakup - this was something I was not ready to do. I made sure that the guys I was dating, will not be those who are able to go through the walls that I placed inside myself - if there was any chance of them breaking through, I found ways to sabotage the relationship and end it.


Now that I identified why I ran away from relationships and couldn't develop intimate and supportive relationship with a partner my past behaviour in the context of relationships is starting to make more sense.

This one point of me believing that I cannot face my parents when it comes to being sexually active with my first boyfriend, a chain of events manifested through which I created a relationship entity inside myself that was running on my behalf without me being aware of what I was actually creating for/as myself.  With breaking up the relationship I had with my first partner, the programming that was running in my mind equated to the following structure: "if it comes to the point of sexual intimacy, vulnerability and exposure, the relationship must end' type of thing. Though, despite of the first relationship being so specific to sexual intimacy, the mind mutated the equation to "any type of  intimacy relationship = stay away".


Fortunately, with understanding now the source of my resistances/fear towards relationship, I was ready to open a door inside myself to unconditionally allowing myself to access the mind realm of relationships and investigate more dimensions and accordingly make the necessary alignments inside myself to eventually create and develop a healthy, supportive and constructive relationship with a partner. 



Art work - rose-colligan