- A Woman
- I stand here for the next 7 years within a process of daily Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application. I'm standing as an example that with Self-Will, Self-Trust and Self-Honesty, A change is possible. I commit myself to become Life from Nothingness because only from Nothingness, a process of Creation start. Creating myself and my world according to the principle of what is best for all Lives.
In my previous post I ended off with:
"In the next post we will move from being aware of the structural lines of information to practical living in how to assist and support ourselves to actually move from the mind reality that is limited to the layers of information we stored inside of ourselves into the physical reality where possibilities and opportunity of self-empowerment and change actually exists."
With the example in the previous post, we had a look at how one image of a luxurious car activated different lines of information and each line of information thereafter spiraled into further lines of information. This essentially means that we shifted away from the physical reality and moved into the realm of our minds, in isolation.
For myself, I found these quantum time shifts from the physical reality to be very disempowering because in these moments, I am not the directive principle of my own reality as I gave my power of direction away to one singular image (or it can be anything from sound to movement and so forth).
Disempowerment in the sense that - with activating these lines of information that we access to in a quantum moment, we prevent a direct physical seeing of reality for what it is, through which we are unable to effectively move to solutions but instead we remain in reactive state of being. (If you haven't already, I suggest reading: From Reaction to Prevention and the Correction Process - Day 239) where I described the 'WHY' remaining in a reactive state is counterproductive for yourselves and the people in your environment and how instead, we must assist and support ourselves to move into the solution in changing our living application to one that is of self-integrity and worth).
Many times I asked myself after the effect (after I stepped out of a reaction) - "But why??? Why the hell did I shift again to the same line of information in the mind? Why despite of me being aware of this tendency of mine to react to a specific event, I am unable to effectively support myself to change and stop my participation with this line of thoughts/information?"
In other times I find my in moments of emotional reaction in a fighting mode with myself where one part of me is seeing clearly the absolutely ridiculousness of continuing participation with the reaction and the other part of me is saying "but, but, but… but I am right to react the way I am" type of thing. Here I was questioning 'why despite of me seeing clearly how I compromise and disempowering myself, I still experience a fight within myself?
Then there are also those times where I stopped participation in real time moment and didn't allow myself to follow the layers of information in the mind but then the next moment came by and very quickly I went into point of disempowerment where I follow the layered information with a reaction. Here I was asking myself - how is it that in one moment I could stop participating but in the next moment, I so quickly went into the mind, following layers of information within a reaction inside of myself?
With looking at these questions that I asked myself, I found couple of interesting dimensions that contribute to why I was not effectively applying change in a real time moment:
- The decision to change was not clear.
- I am moving too fast in the mind and not supporting myself to slow down.
- There is something behind the scenes that I haven't investigated/seen yet.
- The red flags that I placed for myself were incomplete.
In the next post we will have a look at these dimensions and start practically to support ourselves to make a decision to change in real time moment and follow through on this decision.
In starting to be aware of our preprogram tendencies of reactions for example, it is one thing to be aware of our reactional tendencies but it is a whole different ball game to actually do something about it and practically change our living behavior to one that is of self-integrity and self-worth. What do I mean by that?
Our mind is intertwined with so many layers of information which we stored inside ourselves over the years. Layers of information would be memories, experiences, beliefs, opinions, emotions and feelings that we have attached to internal and/or external stimulations as for instance - pictures and images, smells, voice tonality, body language and so forth. So when an external or internal picture is coming up in our reality, we will have a specific pattern that we will follow, based on the layers of information that we have stored inside of ourselves. For example: Let's say that we see a picture in our reality of luxurious car that we have associated with wealth and success and as we see that car, lines of information is starting to come up in our minds:
-> Seeing luxurious car
->-> Memory of someone saying that if you have this car, it mean that you've become successful in this world
->->-> But oh shame, I don't have this car nor will I have in my future
->->->-> this means that I am a failure
->->->->-> How can I be successful?
->->->->->-> It is not my fault that I am not yet successful, it is the system fault
(or my parents fault, or my employees fault and so on)
->->I am so jealous at the guy that is driving that car
->->-> He must have a lot of money
->->-> He must have lots of women around him
->->-> He must have extraordinary life
->->->-> I am useless
->->->->-> I wish I could have so much money
->->->->->-> My life is going nowhere
->-> I hate my car
->->-> I need to take my car for a service
->->->-> this is going to cost so much money
->->->->-> where will I get the money for the service
->->->->->-> maybe I should take another loan from the bank
->->->->->->-> OMG I don't know what to do
->-> I hope my wife didn't see that car
->->-> because then she will be frustrated with me for not making so much money
->->->-> I hope my wife won't leave me for a rich guy
->->->->-> I must do something special for my wife
->->->->->-> But what will I do? I don't have money to spend on luxury stuff for my wife.
So this is just an example of how one image of a luxurious car can activate chain of thoughts/information inside of ourselves based on the experiences/memories/emotions/feelings that we have associated with that image or picture of for instance, a luxurious car.
What we must realize here is the quantum speed of how information moves in our minds - we may not be aware of all the information that moved in our minds, we may not remember that we actually had these thoughts coming up in that singular moment of when we saw the luxurious car because the information moved so fast inside of ourselves where we shifted so quickly from one set of information to the next set of information. I mean how many times we found ourselves asking ourselves: "How did I start thinking about that topic now? How did I get to think about that now?"
Being aware of these lines of thoughts in its structure like has described above is one of the first steps that one must look at in their process of change. For that, if you haven't already, I suggest investigating and investing in Self Development, Empowerment and Awareness course to assist you with getting to know how your mind has been conditioned to the layers of information that you have layered inside of yourself over the years as well as learning the self-help tools that you are able to apply for yourself to empower yourself to change your conditioned behavioral patterned to a living application of growth and worth. For more information, please visit: Life Skills & Self-Mastery Online Courses
In the next post we will move from being aware of the structural lines of information to practical living in how to assist and support ourselves to actually move from the mind reality that is limited to the layers of information we stored inside of ourselves into the physical reality where possibilities and opportunity of self-empowerment and change actually exists.
A point opened up today when talking with a friend about how one single thought, during the formative years, can influence the way we move and direct ourselves in our reality. It is interesting how us grownups, do not take into consideration how our words and deeds influence the people around us and especially children, who takes in the information so literally and make instant decisions about who and what they are accordingly.
This can be anything from - "why are you so slow in doing your homework" where the child now believes that society sees them as slow learners and this is now how they define themselves as who they are; or - "look at this girl, she dance so funny" where the child now realizes that when you place/express yourself in public, you will be judged by others and so you need to really be self-conscious about every move you make to make sure you give no reason for anyone to judge you - Here a potential decision that the child may make is to limit and contain their natural self-expression within the fear of being judged by others; another example - "look at your brother, how successful he is, I am so proud at him" where the child now feels that they must compete with their siblings so that the parent won't be disappointed with them and now the child will decide to suppress their natural skills and only work with what they believe would make their parents happy with them.
I've been looking at my own reality and how through one single statement that was spoken to me when I was a child, I made it so absolute in my mind to a point of suppressing my natural expression in public. I remember as a child how much I enjoyed dancing and I never had issues with dancing around other people, performing and participating in shows until one day where I was watching dancing performance that my friends participated in and my brother was sitting next to me and made a negative remark about one of the girl's dancing ability and in that moment, a thought came up - "what if other people were also judging how I danced". It was the first time that I actually considered the possibility of people judging the way I danced.
From that moment onwards, I developed a high sense of 'self-conscious' thought pattern when I was around other people - I didn't want to dance, I didn't allowed myself to sing - things that I really enjoyed expressing, I believed that I could no longer do/express. Every time the opportunity to sing and specifically dance came up, the memory of that day where my brother judged my friend's dancing ability came up, as a reminder that I must not express myself in public if I don't want people to judge me.
Fascinating enough, when no one was around and I was all alone - I would secretly put on the music and dance. It is quite ridiculous if you think about it - me naturally enjoying to express myself through dancing and yet, allowing one thought memory to influence me to such an extreme where I believed I cannot express myself through dancing when people are around.
Later on in life, going out clubbing with friends became part of my reality but to me.. That was a nightmare - I just couldn't dance - this one thought, about the possibility of people judging me like how my brother judged that girl, prevented me from expressing myself through dancing. My friends pushed me to dance and the more they pushed, the more I resisted dancing because now, if I dared and danced, all the eyes would have been on me and the possibility of me being judged was on the line. The only way I could get myself to dance was by having lots of alcohol so that if anyone judges me, I could blame the alcohol. So for couple of years, I danced and hit the dancing floor lol but, under the influence of alcohol so in essence, I wasn't really expressing myself but allowed the alcohol to take the directive sit of my expression whereas even under the influence of alcohol I was very much self-conscious about my dancing movement and the people around me.
As I grew up of the alcohol and clubbing scene, I decided to stop having alcohol completely and without alcohol, I stopped going clubbing because I believed there was no point to it meaning, I knew I will not dance without alcohol.
Couple of years after, my roommate insisted that I come with her to a party and obviously, I refused but she kept on pushing because she knew how much I enjoyed dancing as she was the only one I shared my secret dancing sessions with and every so often we played music in our house and 'secretly' danced.
With her pushing me to come with her when she went out I eventually did go dance with her one night and with her support, I danced, still very much restricted because now, in my mind, I had to also let go of the connection I created previously between alcohol and dancing. After couple of years and lots of Self-Forgiveness in investigating all the lines of information, emotions, feelings, pictures and memories that I created in my mind, I reached the point where I allowed my natural expression to come through around other people where I no longer have that thought memory from my childhood governing who or how I express myself.
So parents and adults, It took me over 20 years to move past the point from when my brother made that remark to where I am able to fully express myself in dancing. We really have to be aware of the words we speak around the children, to be aware of the influence we have on their life within the decisions that they make, based on what they hear or observe us doing. If you haven't already, I suggest listening to 'Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race' to support you with preventing such moments that can lead to your child making life decisions they would rather live without.
I've been in South Africa for more than 3 years now but I always refused learning Afrikaans - I kept on telling myself that I must first perfect my English before attempting to learn another language, that English is tough enough, learning another language will be too complicated... I can really give you a long list of excuses of why I should not learn Afrikaans but the truth is - I believed that I can't, that i am too old to learn a new language and mostly, I believed that I am unable to learn and integrate new information effectively enough and I didn't want to risk seeing that my assumption is real.
My high school learning experience wasn't one that empowered me to succeed and the imprint that was left inside of me since high school was of a failure. It was not that I was failing per say, I actually got very good marks but I could have done better if I wouldn't give up on myself since the first time I didn't succeed in a test as how I expected of myself. It was a struggle for me to consider higher education and with a lot of pressure from my family, I eventually studied law and business and even though I felt inferior all the way through university, my marks were again pretty good even though I invested very limited time in studying.
It is interesting how even with having good marks and achievements in university, my internal experience was of a failure. There was a part of me who knew that I could have done more, be more, if I wouldn't accept my own self-limitations. But the fear of proving to myself that I am a failure when investing time and effort in studying new material was something I was not willing to face. I preferred investing as little time as possible in my studies and make the best out of it because I always found a way around it, if that make sense.
The experience of being inferior and failure when it comes to learning followed me ever since which was why learning Afrikaans was something I was not willing to do. It is interesting how an idea of oneself becomes self-prophecy through which we use our experiences to validate our ideas of ourselves. With me and Afrikaans - every time someone would try and teach me a word, I would repeat it and try to remember it but inside of me, there was a 'knowing' that I will forget the word the next moment because after all, I am a failure so I didn't even bothered expanding my Afrikaans vocabulary.
In the past few weeks, Afrikaans was spoken more frequently around me and I became annoyed that I don't understand what people are speaking about. I kept on asking them to switch to English but every so often the Afrikaans kicked in again and I felt disempowered for not being able to participate in the discussions around me. So, I had to make a decision - Am I going to be annoyed each time I hear Afrikaans and within that accept my own limitations OR, I will expand my reality and learn Afrikaans? Well.. I decided to go with Self-Empowerment lol.
I asked a friend to teach me Afrikaans and she gratefully took upon herself the challenge. In the first few days, I made a decision to only integrate one word a day as at that stage, I still believed I was limited, failure and unable to integrate more than one word a day. 2 weeks have passed and I increased my Afrikaans vocabulary with 14 words lol and then, one day, I had couple of hours during a drive to a training function and I thought to myself, I might as well use this time to learn a few more words. So she started teaching me the days of the week and I surprised myself because an hour later, I could speak the days of the week with confident. Then she wanted to teach me to count and I for a moment said 'No, it has already been 7 words while I should only do 1 word per day. BUT, I just proved to myself that I could easily integrate 7 new words so why not just give myself the opportunity to learn to count? Again, I surprised myself with being able to count to 10 after just a few minutes with the ability to recall the information of all the 21 words (+ a few more random words) I integrated that day. today, I learnt to count to 100..
Someone asked me HOW am I doing it - how did I move myself from not being able to integrate any word in Afrikaans to now being able to learn and recall what I learnt in a very short period of time. My answer was.. "I Made a Decision".
They asked me "Decision? What do you mean?" I said: "You can decide to accept and allow your own created self-limitations or you can decide to accept and allow your own self-empowerment and growth. Once a decision is made, you still have to decide to consistently stand by the decision that you made in any given moment and that was all that I've done"
With understanding how learning works and what are the methods that assist me the most to effectively integrate information, I can choose to expand my reality and push myself to succeed. So, I am in the process of learning Afrikaans now which I find to be a fascinating process as it showed me how I am the creator of my own self-limitations and if so I choose, how I can also be the creator of my own self-empowerment and growth.
Continuing from where I left off in my previous blog: Creating and Living in a supportive environment (part 1) - Day 505
"Creation is a process that will take time though, the potential exists for everyone. " in this blog, I will open up the point of this 'potential' and how can we stand by this potential when it comes to creating and living in a supportive environment.
To be able to create and live in a supportive environment, we first have to clearly define what supportive environment is or to be more specific, we need to define the word 'Support'. When I work with words, I like exploring the sound of the word and see what lie behind it. Here for instance, with the word 'Support', I found something very interesting:
Support = Sup(p)-Or-T. Have a look:
Sup: To provide
Or: Or (choice)
T: Choice, Junction
Support = a decision that one is making in any given moment with regards to whether or not one would Provide/Give something to oneself or another. Now that the definition to the word Support is clear, the question is - how the word 'Support' is applied as an expression of ourselves within the principle of 'what is best for all'? Meaning, how the decision that we make in any given moment as an expression of ourselves is practically applied within the context of deciding the direction that we would give to ourselves when it comes to providing/giving support to ourselves or another.
Here, 2 more principles must be considered:
1. Give as you would like to receive
2. Do onto another that which you would do onto you.
Obviously, when we look at these principle, what is important to understand and apply is the very basic living principle - Self Honesty. To understand the difference between Honesty and Self-Honesty please read the blog - The Correction Process and The Desteni Message (Part 8) - Day 205
So how Giving/Sharing/providing Support to another, combined with Self Honesty and the principle of Give as you would like to receive, do onto another that which you would do onto you come together as a living application/expression of oneself in one's creation of supportive environment?
It is to firstly realize that for me to grow and expand myself in this reality, I cannot accept and allow myself to be directed by my own mind but rather be stable and in each breath and look directly and the physical reality and direct myself accordingly. Obviously, this is a process that is to be lived and a lot of self support and support of another is needed for me/us to live this to our potential. This was a decision that I have made in how I want to create myself for/as myself - and for more context, please read - The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle - Day 474
With this starting point and the potential that exists within ourselves (Realizing and living my utmost potential (Part 1) - Day 475) to change and become a living expression of Self-Honesty, Give as you would like to receive and do onto another that which you would do onto you, I see how these principles stand as an absolute necessity if we really want to create a change in this world in developing environments that are based on integrity, respect and harmony. Within this, the responsibility is firstly on ourselves, to support ourselves to become the potential that we can become through which we can then expand ourselves and assist and support our environment to become the potential that exist in any single one of us.
True, creating these types of supportive environment is easier if you already an environment with people who share your vision but even if you don't, the potential still exists because it exists in you and what you will create with yourself and support others to create for themselves. How?
If you live in an environment with people who are yet to be aware of their minds and our collective responsibility of creating a change in this world that is worth while, all you have to do is to firstly support yourself to change through which slowly but surely you will be standing as an example for your environment. From here, you will start seeing and assessing the nature of the support you will share with others in your environment until eventually they will stand as their own support which later they could potentially expand and stand as your pillar of support as well. What I mean by support here - the same support I would accept myself to give to myself, I will share with others in my environment. Therefore, I will very slowly, and with a lot of patience, start bringing these people into my reality in for example, when I see them participate in their mind and I walked a similar point, I will share with them my own process - what I realized for myself in relation to the point that they are facing, how I supported myself to change this point within myself and so forth.
Why it is so important to be patient when you develop and create a supportive environment for yourself?
When I first started my process, I kind of isolated myself from everyone in my environment - I believed they cannot understand me, that we cannot have a common ground to walk from and essentially, I destroyed every single relationship that I had at that time. Years later, when I realized that it was never about them; that supportive relationships cannot just manifest and if anything; that it was always about me and what I will accept and allow and what I will not, I started building, developing and creating new relationships with my old environment to a point of us being able to communicate effectively, support one another and be there for one another. This is something that is still in progress and will take a lot of time - it is a process of creation and creation takes time to be developed and how we make the best out of it is dependent solely on us - in what we accept and allow for ourselves, our environment and this world.
If you haven't already, I suggest reading through my blog series - The Desteni Message as that would give you a better context as to what I was looking at when writing this blog.
Before I came to live on the farm, I had this idea that once I get here, I will immediately create friendship relationship with all the people who live here; soon enough, I realized that with our busy schedules, we don't have much time to socialize and create relationships with one another. Over the years, I was primarily creating relationship with the people I was sharing the same house with and that was it.
Couple of weeks ago, I faced a big part of my preprogram design and for a moment, it all seemed to be just too much and a thought came up, wishing Bernard was here to support me with his insights and way of looking at things. With me having the tendency to walk my process alone and only sharing myself with the other farm people after I walked the whole design, I isolated myself from everything and everyone so that I can walk the points for/as myself without anyone seeing me in a state that I, in the mind, defined as weak/vulnerable.
At one point, the farm people became aware of the points that I was walking through and one by one, people came to me, spent time with me and stood as incredible support for me. Initially, I felt uncomfortable being completely open with them in sharing everything that I was facing but soon enough I realized that each one of them had a gift for me as they walked similar points during their processes. Interestingly enough, every time the thought of Bernard came up, someone showed up and shared with me how they faced the point in the past and how Bernard supported them to walk through it for themselves.
With me spending more time with other farm members, I realized that relationships are not something that can be given to you, it is something we can create with one another if we allow ourselves to open up and invest time with each other. This was the one thing I didn't take into consideration when I first came here - relationships build over time, it cannot just happened to you.
What also supported me with the process of developing relationships of support with the farm people was Blackie -
He has back leg injury and he couldn't stay at my house any more as the environment of our house is not as supportive as for instance, in the top house. When I looked at talking with them about the possibility of them taking care of Blackie in their house, there was a part of me that expected them to say 'no' because they already have too many dogs and a baby. The part of me who doubted their perceived answer was a memory from my past where I had to leave my dog behind and it was extremely difficult to find people who were willing to take care of the dog, not to mention that Blackie was injured and needed specific support and attention. When I finally took the step to go and talk to them about it, there was not even a split of a moment where they had to think about it - immediately they saw the whole point, why it is needed and how they can manage the support structure for Blackie.
The recent events made me look at the whole point of creating and living in a supportive environment with people who are living by principles where self-interest is second and what is best for the environment is first. I was looking at how can we expand this way of living so that more and more people would be able to create supportive environments for themselves, outside of the farm.
Understand that even for us, it was a process which firstly (and still) we walk with ourselves. When Bernard died, we all came together and made an agreement to stand as a pillar of support for each other. It is one thing to make the decision/agreement and it is a whole other thing to walk the decision/agreement as an expression of ourselves, moment by moment.
We had to create our decision/agreement to live by principles through which we can support one another. That didn't just happened in one day - this was something we had to create with ourselves and each other and it is the same for everyone who wishes to create a supportive environment for themselves, we must create it. Creation is a process that will take time though, the potential exists for everyone.
will continue in the next blog…
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