Nov 28, 2015 | By: A Woman

Do you have the right to judge another - Day 531

Not too long ago, I wrote a blog post about 'Gossiping' A piece of gossip - Day 528 where I redefined 'Gossiping' as speaking or thinking about someone while not daring speaking the same words in front of that person. Since then, I've been looking deeper at the design of gossiping and I found a few interesting things that I would like to share here today.

Have you ever noticed how much gossiping is actually going on in your mind? How much judgement and blame it projected towards people in your direct and indirect environment? It can be the smallest judgement as "look at what they wear, I will never wear this" to: "I can't believe they behaved this way. I will never do it" to: "What's wrong with her/him, they completely ignored me today, this is rude" and so one and so forth.

Now, is it not that one of our greatest concerns is being judged by others. There is constant part of us thinking what other people may be thinking about us. Why is that? Why would we be afraid and concern about what other people says about us in their mind? Is it not because of us knowing that we are doing the exact same thing, judging the person standing/speaking in front of us, in our mind, allowing the inner gossip to continue at the same time we are concerned about being judged by another. lol

So on its purest form, we are concern or afraid being judged by others, because we know what we accept and allow as judgement, to exists inside of ourselves and because we know how nasty that judgement can be, we are concern about the potential nastiness coming through in another's mind, this time, towards us. Isn't it?
How about an experiment - stop participate in judgement and see if you afraid of being judged. How to support yourself to stop participating in judgement towards others?

In a discussion that I had with a friend the other day, hearing them judging their employees, I asked them to stop for a moment so that we can discern the situation on a deeper level. I then asked them a question: Can you self-honestly and unconditionally place yourself in their shoes, within their mind, within the consideration of who they are, where they came from, their cultural design, their education, their life experiences and so on.. Can you then, as them, participate in judgement? Or can you now suggest solutions?

This is such a powerful tool because for the first time, you actually understand that you have no right to judge another, before you are able to unconditionally and absolutely place yourself in their shoes and provide/suggest solutions to the problems that you became aware of. Unless you can do that, unless you can step out of your own judgemental mind and place yourself in another's shoes, you have no right to judge.

I have placed a few red flags for myself lately, and that is standing as a great support in my process of stopping any and all gossiping both internally and externally. The flags are:
1. Can you say the same thing directly to the person?
2. Can you turn the point back to yourself and see that you are doing the exact same thing you judge another in doing?
3. Can you place yourself in their shoes, absolutely and unconditionally?
4. Can you stand as your and theirs support structure?

You will find that by asking these questions, you will already be one step closer to your stability. Because you have taken the responsibility to question yourself, and what you accepted and allowed yourself to participate with in your mind. Moving to the solution would be your next step.. Solution as in - how to best support myself and another in the discussed situation? That would be something that may come more naturally once you stand in their other's shoes, without any judgement.

Let's continue exploring these points and see what comes up.. You are more than welcome to leave your comments

Nov 22, 2015 | By: A Woman

Should I blindly trust another - Day 530

After I wrote the previous blog, The Truth about Blind trust - Day 529  I saw the following quote by Brian Tracy:

"The glue that holds all relationships together, including the relationship between the leader and the led, is trust, and trust is based on integrity."

Looking at the examples we discussed in the previous blog - we can see how blind trust turned into a complete distrust when the objects of our trust lost their credibility and thus their integrity in our eyes' view. Yet, most of us just accepted the fact that integrity was lost and that relationships aren't trustworthy as a normal way of living instead of actually investigating solutions.

I think that we reached that level of 'giving up' inside of ourselves because things have always been this way and we are tired of fighting with each other in away so instead, we just accept the status-que and maintain some level of getting along with each other, knowing that we cannot absolutely trust anyone in this world. This is sad isn't it?

The question is, can we trust ourselves? Can we trust that in a moment of truth, we will act on what is best for everyone and not just on what is best for me? Can we trust ourselves to make decisions that would benefit the majority of this world? Will we, in moments of temptation take more instead of give? Many of us claim to be good people and see ourselves as those who want to create a better world, yet, in our daily action we prove that we are thinking of ourselves and ourselves only.

Understand, I am not here to judge anyone - I am here to be brutal honest so that we can face the point inside of ourselves and for once and for all, reach a level of self-honesty that would lead to us to a level of self-trust. Because unless we are able to trust ourselves, we will follow the same path we currently are at and blindly trust that something will change, that some good will come our way, not seeing that our physical reality showing us the exact opposite.

So look, let's be honest - we are not yet at a point of being able to blindly trust anything or anyone but ourselves. So let's establish that step first. The best way to establish self trust is through applying the principle - "Investigate all things and keep that which is good". Whenever something comes up inside of you that you are not sure about, check yourself, introspect and find the source (to help yourself with the process, please sign up for the free life mastery skills course - by "something comes up inside of you" I mean - thoughts, reactions, blame, judgement, anger and so forth - get to a point of self honesty and see what activate and manifest that reaction inside of you instead of blindly trust that whatever came up inside of you is valid.

AND - when someone is saying something to you, no matter how good it sounds, check the information, don't blindly trust the information no matter who the person is. Do your research, develop critical thinking to discern the information in such a way that you can see clearly whether the information is something you can test for yourself or not.

When you develop the habit of investigating all things (both internally and externally) and keep that which is good, you start establishing a point of self-trust with yourself because you can trust now that you do not blindly follow information but actually checking and researching the information and could thus make an informative decision. In that, you also stop the habit of blaming and judging other people for suggestions that they gave and instead you support them when the information they carry is contaminated. You thus support yourself to stand with integrity and supporting others to develop integrity within themselves and others. Can you see where I am going with it? A key for successful relationships, a key for an actual change is by developing self-trust and that self-trust will be the guiding force that can be trusted to bring a change for this world that is of worth, that is of integrity and harmony.

Art work :

Nov 17, 2015 | By: A Woman

The Truth about Blind trust - Day 529

In a previous blog, 'Should I trust another?  Day 480', I discussed the difference between 'trust and self-trust:

"...Someone said to me something in those lines:
'You cannot trust anyone but yourself - it is not about whether or not you can trust another - it is about trusting yourself that what you are seeing in your reality is actually what is and accordingly, trusting yourself that according to what you are seeing, you will direction/support yourself and others based on what is best in any given moment'…"

"… So you see, it all has to do with one's responsibility of trusting oneself and it is not about trusting or distrusting another. It is to trust yourself when making any decision; it is to trust yourself that you will stand in absolute stability no matter how the outcome would be because you trusted yourself that you considered and investigated all things before you made a decision; and it is to trust yourself to when/as you see another's application as untrustworthy, you first assess/investigate/check that you are clear within yourself without any slight reaction to another and thereafter, if you are in a position of sharing support with them, do so in self-trust"

So for context - please read 'Should I trust another' blog to understand the difference between Trust and Self Trust. In this blog post, I would like to focus more on the point of 'Blind Trust'.

We all blindly trust our parents as babies. I mean, we don't have much choice do we? We arrive to this world our parents are the ones who take care of us, give us love, attention, warmth and care. Why won't we trust them? So we blindly trust that they know what and how to raise us and we obey their rules without any exception.
Then, we are introduced with our next caretaker - can be the nanny or the nursery/kindergarten teacher - and again we blindly trust that they know what is best for us because that's just how it is.
And we go to school, blindly trust the education system that has its best intentions for us, that it exists to empower us and educate us to be the best that we can be.

I often tell people that being a parent is the most difficult job/career in this world and yet, there is not any 'parenting school' or 'parenting university' where you can perfect your parenting skills. With any other profession, you must have a proper license or a diploma to be able to get a job. Yet, no one actually teach and train parents to be parents and there is again, this blind expectations, that the parent would know what to do with their kids. Yet, we all know it is not the case. Most of us feel overwhelmed and inadequate when our babies come to the world. Most of us feel powerless to direct situations with our children because we just don't know how and there is no one around to consult with.

Then with the education system, it is no longer a secret that the education system does not have any good and pure intentions to teach and train the students to reach their utmost potential. For more context, please watch: The Ultimate History Lesson by John Taylor Gatto. Yet, we all so blindly trust the education system to be for our children the ultimate education provider that we cannot even conceptualize that it is not so.

As we grow older, we blindly trust the world system and our government to consider our needs and well being so we put our vote down and we blindly trust the government to have our best interest in mind yet, we all know it is not so. We all know that the people are the last to be considered but it would first be money, self-interest and maintenance of power that will be considered.

So here are just a few examples of why blind trust is dangerous yet, very common thing to do in the world of today.
In blogs to come we will have a look at how to change blind trust to self-trust and how to always work with the principle: "investigate all thing and keep that which is good" as the first step in discerning information or people to a level of trusting ourselves to make the decisions within the starting point of 'that which is best for all life'

Thank you.
Nov 10, 2015 | By: A Woman

A piece of gossip - Day 528

Most people define gossip as a conversation that is based on judgment of someone who is not presence.
There are many reasons as to why people gossip but primarily it is because of:

  1. Projecting superiority - some people feel that by saying negative things about others, they feel or seen as superior by those who the gossiping is discussed with.
  2. Jealousy - people may gossip about those they compare themselves with out of jealousy towards them. This gives them a temporary feeling of being 'more than'.
  3. Getting attention - some people get to be the center of attention temporarily while exposing a piece of information about others.
  4. Spite, anger - people may deliberately gossip about other people when they feel hurt or betrayed by another.
  1. Boredom - In situations where people are lacking knowledge or personal experience that could support a discussion with another, they move to gossip to draw some attention.

But interestingly enough, what most of us do not consider is that gossiping in primarily done… wait for it… in our HEADS!
In our minds, in our little space where no one can listen, we allow ourselves to gossip, and gossip and gossip and.. How many times do we actually stop the train of gossip and ask ourselves - "but where are these thoughts are coming from? Why am I carrying this negative talk about others in my heads?"

So regardless if we gossip externally or internally, we most likely to participate in gossip on a daily basis. One thing is certain - as long as we carry judgement towards ourselves or others, we can be sure we are accepting and allowing gossiping to be a part of our reality. We can be sure that we are not standing as a point of direction and support towards ourselves or others.

There are many resources that explain the design of gossip so I am not going into it. Instead, this blog will focus on
how to support yourself to identify gossip and how to become aware in real time moment to stop participating with gossip.

Identifying gossip:

My rule of thumb is answering the questions: "Will I say the same things that I am saying now or thinking now, if the person I am speaking/thinking about was presence?"
If I can't stand by my words or thoughts and share my thoughts/words with the person the internal/external conversation is about then, ladies and gentlemen, we are dealing with the design of gossip and not with a principle of self-honesty and the support of one another.

From here, you must take the point into self-introspection: it is obvious that you are reacting to the other person in one way or another - identify the type of reaction you are carrying and direct yourself towards a solution. For more support with that, please visit DIP Lite - Life Skills & Self-Mastery Online Courses.

Changing a pattern in real time moment support
For more context, please also read: Day 567: Authority and Consequence – Part 1.
Becoming aware in real time moment that you are participating in a specific design is a bit tricky because usually by the time you become aware of this, it's almost "too late" in the sense of you are already in it.. Within the context of gossiping, by the time you are aware of your participation with gossip, you are already in the heart of gossip discussion.

What I find supporting me with becoming aware of gossiping is by working with my own mind - slowing down and observing the thoughts that contain the nature of gossip. This allows me to see the type of reaction that I carry, the nature of the emotion and from there I can stop my participation with the gossip type thoughts and direct myself towards the solution, starting with self-forgiveness.

Within that, I am able to support myself to stop my participation in real time moment when I find myself participating in a gossip based conversation as well as supporting others when they are participating in gossip. Obviously - this take practice, patience and the ability to forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes and commit to change this destructive pattern but the more you practice a skill, the better you become.

Essentially, I use the rule of thumb here as well, when I become aware that there is a potential for a conversation to go into the direction of gossip, I stop and ask myself "Will I say the same things that I am saying now or thinking now, if the person I am speaking/thinking about was presence?". Then I know whether I stand in relation to the one who is being gossiped.

So to answer the questions How to become aware in real time moment that you are participating with gossiping? I would say it is a matter of getting to know your mind and introspecting the design of gossip so that you are able to identify when and why you have or still are participating with gossip. Then, walk through a process of self-forgiveness - forgive yourself for accepting and allowing the design of gossip to be a part of who you are, take responsibility and authority for this design so that you are able to make the decision to stop your participation. Now that you made it your goal to change in real time moment - you already placing awareness as a red flag inside of you to alert you when gossiping is happening. So you practice this point until you change and no longer directed by gossiping but rather by principles that would support yourself and everyone else, to the best of your ability.For more support, please invest time in DIP Lite - Life Skills & Self-Mastery Online Courses.

Nov 3, 2015 | By: A Woman

Is it too late? Day 527

Sometimes in my life, I find myself in a point of self-blame, regrets and self-judgements for the mistakes that I've done. By mistakes I mean - saying or doing things I should not have said/do, that caused a friction and sabotaged a particular relationship. Or things I haven't said or done, that I should have said or do to potentially prevent negative consequences from manifesting.

But what is the point of going into self-blame, regrets and self-judgements if we do not learn or make any effort to truly change? I've been looking at this question lately and here is what I have found:

We normally reflect back on our lives when negative consequences are showing themselves in our reality - this is where the self-blame, regrets and self-judgements experience start, along with the energy that it carry around the whole body.
It feels 'Icky' and uncomfortable and this can go on and on, so long as we still accepting the self-blame, regrets and self-judgements as valid and allowing the experience to continue inside of ourselves, without giving ourselves supportive direction. With accepting and allowing the energetic experience, we are essentially punishing ourselves for the mistakes that we have made and at the same time, we do not learn from our mistakes. Thus, we are continuing this vicious cycle that we never step out from.

The Irony is that in self-honesty, regret makes us feel good about ourselves - it gives us the idea that we are taking responsibility for the mistakes. It is like almost a belief that because we are able to feel regret, we must be good because  bad people wouldn't give a damn and never take responsibility. Though, by accepting and allowing regret, we don't take self-responsibility for the mistakes like for instance:
1. Mapping out the event
2. Investigating the time lines
3. Slowing down to see the reactions that we accepted and allowed inside of ourselves
4. Practically learning to be able to correct our application when the next window of opportunity arrive.

Another point to looks at in self-honesty - when we judge and blame ourselves, we unconsciously believe that we are good people. We stand as our own judge, we put ourselves in trial, we are judged by the judge who is ourselves and we get punished. Once the punishment has been served, we could then be at peace with ourselves - we are forgiven by god in a way. Only the good people are forgiven by god.

Alright so by now it is becoming clear that feeling regret and blaming/judging ourselves is useless and counterproductive. Feeling regret, judging and blaming ourselves, doesn't bring us closer to the real root cause of the problem that we are facing. For the most part, as I just explained, it only makes us feel better about ourselves and that's as far as it actually goes. I mean, if it would take us to a point of correction, if it would motivate us to make real time change then sure, it can be valid. But as long we continue the vicious cycle of making mistake -> regret/blame/judgment -> feeling good about ourselves -> making another mistake, it will reach a point of being 'too late'.

So now what?
When or as you realize you made a mistake, or when the consequences have manifested, and the regret/blame/judgement start to come up and take over your mind -> STOP for a moment, TAKE a breath and FORGIVE yourself. Forgiveness would be the KEY, the foundation from which you are able to move yourself towards the a solution, towards a change. What do I mean by that? Well, why won't you find out for yourself? Here is a link to a self-development FREE course where you are able to learn about self-forgiveness and how to effectively apply forgiveness in your reality - DIP Lite.

Meanwhile, you can also leave a message at the comment section to continue this discussion.
Oct 25, 2015 | By: A Woman

Anger Management: Don't bottle up your anger! - Day 526

It is a known fact that unresolved emotions and feeling can affect and compromise our physical body. Yet, many of us refuse to acknowledge this fact and thus allow ourselves to continue bottling up with massive anger, hatred, blame, judgement and so forth.
It is also a known fact that Anger and similar intense emotions can sabotage our relationships with our loved ones, threaten our career and our social life as a whole. Yet, most of us will not step back for a moment and really investigate the core cause of our anger and other intensified emotions.

In the last couple of years, we hear more and more about 'Anger management' programs.

"Anger management is a procedure of acquiring the skills to recognize signs that you are becoming angry, and taking action to deal with the situation in a positive way. In no way does anger management mean holding the anger in or trying to keep from feeling anger. Anger is a normal human emotion, a healthy one when it is expressed appropriately. "
Medical News Today : Your source for health news since 2003.

"(psychology) techniques or exercises used to control or reduce feelings and the expression of anger"

"Anger management is the process of learning to recognize signs that you're becoming angry, and taking action to calm down and deal with the situation in a positive way. Anger management doesn't try to keep you from feeling anger or encourage you to hold it in. Anger is a normal, healthy emotion when you know how to express it appropriately — anger management is about learning how to do this."

It is fascinating to see how our professional society defines Anger as 'healthy' or 'normal human emotion' and within that validate the existence of anger inside of ourselves.

Shocking news people!!!! anger is not healthy or normal human behaviour. In fact, studies shows that anger can be deadly:

"Anger's physical side effects explain why you frequently see studies about the damage that this emotion can do to our bodies. In one study of almost 13,000 subjects, individuals with the highest levels of anger had twice the risk of coronary artery disease and three times the risk of heart attack, as compared to the subjects with the lowest levels of anger [source: Kam]. Some scientists think that chronic anger may be more dangerous than smoking and obesity as a factor that will contribute to early death [source: Angier]."

So then, what are the solution for people with anger issues?
Well, as with everything in life, nothing will change unless we each take responsibility for our creation. So as with taking responsibility in acknowledging that anger isn't normal or needed in anyway whatsoever. On a personal level - there is a difference between letting go of anger and manging anger. Managing your anger means that you are still holding on to your anger on the deep level of your mind. Letting go of the anger means that you have sourced the root cause of your anger, you have taken authority inside of yourself to let go of your anger and you have forgiven yourself for participating with anger towards yourself or others. In reality, like with every real process, there isn't a quick fix - changing to a point of being 'free' of anger will take time and personal effort to affect a real change inside of yourself. Manging anger takes care of the symptoms of the problem while acknowledging that anger is valid. Letting unconditionally go of anger is a process that source the root cause, through the layers of the mind to practically affect a real life change.

Where to go next - look for self-help guides that help you source the root cause of your inner anger so that you are able to absolutely let go of anger inside of yourself. A good place to start with is a self-development program called DIP Lite - it is a free online course that teach you the basic tools to understand your mind, both theoretically and practically. 

Art work - Anger by Gun Legler
Oct 19, 2015 | By: A Woman

Shocking news - Food Waste and Lost - Day 525

Did you know!!! Roughly ONE THIRD of the food produced in the world for human consumption every year — approximately 1.3 billion tonnes — gets lost or wasted

What's the difference between food loss and food waste?
  • Waste occurs toward the back end of the food chain, at the retail and consumer level. In general, the richer the nation, the higher its per capita rate of waste.
  • Loss, on the other hand, mostly occurs at the front of the food chain—during production, postharvest, and processing—and it's far less prevalent in industrialized nations than in the developing world, which tends to lack the infrastructure to deliver all of its food, in decent shape, to consumers eager to eat it

What are the reasons for food waste and food lost?
  • Food lost:
    • Ineffective infrastructure to handle the chain of production of food (for example: absence of refrigeration, inability to convert food to shelf-stable foods, Bad road and rail conditions slow down the time the food freshly reach the market, lack of storage space)
    • Lack of good water
    • Absence of existing technology to support with the food production.

  • Food Waste:
    • Consumerist behaviour - Food being wasted in restaurants and house holds
    • Economic / consumerism - maintaining pricing and profit for example farmers will also leave entire blocks of fruit or vegetables in orchards and fields for fear of flooding the market and depressing prices. Markets will throw away good food that was labelled as 'used by' to maintain the quality/image of the brand name.

What are the consequences of food waste?
  • Humanitarian - lost opportunity to feed people that are starving
  • Abuse of resources - waste of vast quantities of fuel, agricultural chemicals, water, land, and labor needed to produce food - resources that could have utilized for supportive activities.
  • Environment - food waste leads to wasteful use of chemicals such as fertilizers and pesticides; more fuel used for transportation; and more rotting food, creating more methane – one of the most harmful greenhouse gases that contributes to climate change.

The national geographic article provide sustainable solutions that are already in the public awareness.
LIG provides encompassing/holistic solutions within the understanding that food waste cannot be changed or solved without entirely solving the rest of the global problems which are all interconnected with human nature, education, money, politics and so forth.

Though, what we all must realize is that unless we stand together as one unified voice, we won't be able to create a world that is of worth for everyone equally. We need to come together and holistically develop the necessary solutions that includes education, economics, politics and so forth. Within that also, to remember that our voice is heard through our living example. So within the context of food waste, you are able to make small changes in your relationship to food consumption for example.

Please investigate more LIG proposal and become the living voice in creating a better world for everyone.

More resources:

Encompassing article about food waste/lost and solutions -
One-Third of Food Is Lost or Wasted: What Can Be Done

Food Waste Facts

Just Eat It: Why Do We Waste Food?

Food Waste: The Epitome of Human Ignorance

USDA and EPA Join with Private Sector, Charitable Organizations to Set Nation's First Food Waste Reduction Goals

U.S. Food Waste Challenge - FAQ's

Food Waste: The Facts - By United Nations Environment Programme, Regional Office of North America

Survey Highlights Consumer Misunderstanding of Food Waste

The Shocking Cost Of Food Waste

Almost half of the world's food thrown away, report finds

The Key to Ending Global Hunger Is on the Battlefield

Singaporeans regularly waste food, survey finds

One third of all food wasted!