Jul 7, 2014 | By: A Woman

Realizing and living my utmost potential (Part 3) - Day 477

Lionel TalaroIn this blog post, I will continue sharing the story of how and why I had realized that everyone has a potential including myself and how this realization assisted me in changing the course of my life where I am able to walk as a living principle to my utmost potential. Thus, for the context, please read through the previous blog posts:

The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle - Day 474

Realizing and living my utmost potential (Part 1) - Day 475

Realizing and living my utmost potential (Part 2) - Day 476


So, for many years I didn't allow myself to give myself all that I've got - to do something that is worthwhile where I see something that I want and can be good at and just go for it because what I was holding on to was the fear of failure, of disappointing myself and others.


This is also why in terms of career - it was a struggle because on the one hand, I had a desire to be able to provide for myself and my family but on the other hand, the fear of failure and the disbelief in myself restrained me from walking a path to my utmost potential. Therefore, I only went for the jobs that there was no strings attached, no contract, no commitment, where I could walk away  the moment the shit hit the fan without having to look back. Obviously, in the world that we live today, it can only last for so long and eventually, I reached the point where I had one of 2 options - to either find a job that will generate a substantial income or go back to live with my parents. Going back to live with my parents was not really an option for me and I forced myself to just go and get a job.


So even then and there - I didn't want to commit to anything in particular, I didn't want to climb up the chain for success, I wanted to do something that I won't feel restrained or limited, I wanted to have a boss who will not ask me to work over time, I wanted to work in an environment of mind like people and most importantly, I wanted to find a job that will allow me to continue carrying all my responsibilities that I started creating for myself within the Desteni group.


I must say, I was lucky because I knew exactly who I wanted to work for - Remember the first 'real' job I had in the world system, the telemarketer for an insurance company? Well, fortunately, a week before I quit that job, a new boss came along and he could see my potential even though I couldn't see it at all. Since that day that he saw me, he didn't gave up on me and he tried to get me to work for him again. For years I didn't want to listen to him but at the same time, I allowed him in my life because there was something genuine about him.


When I made the decision to go out there to the business world again, he was the first person that came up in my mind and the day after I contacted him, I was already working for him as if all these years he's been waiting for me. He knew how to hock me into his business - he knew that for me to be happy (which is how I can utilize the potential he saw in me to make money for him), he must respect my private life, he must respect my time, he must be OK with me not seeing the business as my higher priority, he knew that I must feel 'free' to set my own terms and conditions, my own hours and essentially, my own salary.


I didn't really know what I am walking into, I didn't know what my job actually be, I just knew I must work there for a year before I move to the South Africa. At this point in time, I didn't see me yet, I didn't realize my potential yet but I knew that he saw something in me and I knew I must walk this point.

Will continue in my next post

art work: Lionel Talaro

Jun 16, 2014 | By: A Woman

Realizing and living my utmost potential (Part 2) - Day 476

Female Artist, 1910 Giclee PrintIn this blog post, I will continue sharing the story of how and why I had realized that everyone has a potential including myself and how this realization assisted me in changing the course of my life where I am able to walk as a living principle to my utmost potential. Thus, for the context, please read through the previous blog posts:

The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle - Day 474

Realizing and living my utmost potential (Part 1) - Day 475

So during my university education, I worked as a bar tender which gave me the financial freedom to do whatever I wanted - I could go on vacations, I could travel the world, I could go and party all night and in terms of studying, I just wanted to pass the exams - I knew that I will not practice law and I didn't see myself having a big career as a business woman due to the insecurity that I felt inside myself all the way from high school. During the final year, the pressure from my environment started to kick in as all my university friends started to move towards building a career for themselves while I was burning any brain sell with partying and alcohol. I decided to follow their steps and tried doing something in my life. But - I didn't see any value in myself or believed I had any other skill but bar tendering so I applied for job as a telemarketer for an insurance company as that was the only thing I knew how to do - I had a little bit of experience with telemarketing from a summer job that I did while back during high school. Soon enough I realized that I am in a big trouble because I could not sustain the life style I was accustom with - in a month work in telemarketing I earned what I did in 2-3 nights in the bar.

After 2 months, a friend from university told me about a job in the company he worked for, he set up the interview for me and the next day I started working there. Here, you must understand that this was a job that every moment counts and unless I was on the top of my game, fully aware and focused, the company will lose money because I was a stock exchange trader.

With my coping skills of not showing weaknesses when I did not understand something and the lack of my self motivated ambition to educate myself due to lack of self-trust in myself, I didn't ask anyone to explain to me everything that I didn't understand and as a result my performance was not so great to say the least. Honestly, till this day I am uncertain why I was not fired and why my boss waited for me to decide to quit. I felt so embarrassed from my results so when the boss offered me a job in the marketing department, I refused, even though years later I discovered that my natural skill is related to Marketing lol.

One thing led to another and I accessed the spiritual phase of my life - on many levels, I am grateful for the Spiritual phase because otherwise, I wouldn't have found Desteni years down the line, and would not have discovered and realized that everyone has a natural potential that we can live as and by. Though realize that the Spiritual phase came because of the failure experience I felt inside myself, where I gave up on all my dreams and didn't believe that I will make it in the world system and in that point, I submitted to the survival mode and accepted the day by day living where all you need is to make sure you have enough to end the month. For me, the spirituality was a tool through which I could suppress all of these emotions and feelings that I experienced without being aware about the truth of my experiences.

Will continue in my next blog post.


art work by: Ernst Ludwig Kirchner

Jun 11, 2014 | By: A Woman

Realizing and living my utmost potential (Part 1) - Day 475

Blue Nude, c.1902 PosterAs part of the declaration of the principle I commit myself to live by, I will walk a blog series where I would take each principle and share an example of how I am assisting and supporting myself to realize and / or change myself in standing as the living principles as a living expression of myself:

The first living principle is: Realizing and living my utmost potential

Within this , the fundamental point that I had to realize is that each and everyone of us HAS a potential - a potential that we can develop and perfect within ourselves; a potential that we can become as a living expression of ourselves if we allow ourselves to realize and accept our true and unique pre-existed potential.

It took me a life time to realize that I have a potential and only afterwards I could assist and support myself (as I still am) to live as my utmost potential. Understand that without realizing that we each have a potential, we cannot live our utmost potential and therefore, the reason why the first principle is written with first the word 'Realizing' and then the word 'Living' is very specific - it is because one must first realize that one already have a potential and thereafter, one is able to live one's potential as a living principle, a living expression of oneself.

So I will first share with you an example of where in my life I 'lost' my potential or to be more specific, where in my life I gave up on myself and in that, gave up on the possibility to live as my utmost potential - from there, I will show how I have assisted and supported myself (and still do) to change the construct that I have created inside myself and to therefore, live to my utmost potential as a living principle, a living expression.

There is ONE profound memory that activated my path of self destruction where I no longer felt worthy in my eyes' view and thus thought and believed that I could not have extraordinary life; that I will not be anything that is worthwhile and from that moment onwards, I submitted to the survival mode, doing the bare minimum so I won't be disappointed from myself and/or disappoint others.

Throughout my first 9 school years, I was one of the kids who always been at the top of the class. I didn't have to study hard or make any special effort, everything was easy for me; overall, I enjoyed studying, I enjoyed school and I had no particular issues with homework. When I started high school, the school decided to place me in the best class with other top students from other schools without asking me nor my parents what I think about the allocation and/or whether I have any objection to the move. This is where the problem started because all of a sudden, with no mental preparation, I was the all of a sudden failing - I was no longer at the top of the class, I was very much at the bottom - I struggled with homework; I struggled following the pace of the teacher; I didn't get good marks and I couldn't cope with the new situation. Obviously, there was no one to explain me why am I experiencing myself as a failure and so, I took it personally and believed that I was not so smart as how I believed myself to be.

By the time I reached the 11th grade, I already lost myself and as a consequential outflow of not being able to cope with the failure, I gave up on myself and felt that I was disappointing my parents, my teachers; I felt that I was the black sheep of the family; that I have no potential for successful future. Obviously, this was never shared with anyone and there was so much that my parents could support me with when they noticed that I started changing from happy human being to a sad and depressed human being though, the change was slight as I became really good at suppressing and hiding that which I felt inside.

The experience in high school created long term consequences in my life - I did NOT want to place myself in a school environment and experience that which I have experienced in high school. However, not going to university was not even an option within my family cultural design and therefore, I had to push myself and do the university pre-qualification exams - for that, I studied 3 months in a private institute - it was horrible because I came with a starting point of being a failure, especially because I took these test a few years before and did terribly bad. With that starting point in mind, I was only able to get an average mark. The mark basically shut the door for lots of possibilities that I could have had if I didn't pave my way to failure through believing that I was a failure; and with not wanting to feel pressured again with studies, I pushed away my dreams of becoming a big shoot in the world system as I believed I don't have what it takes to make it anyway.

Eventually, with great pressure from my family, I went to study in a private university where the entry mark do not really play a part but the amount of money one pay per year. At the beginning of the first semester, I wanted to give up and quit because I felt pressured and feared failing the exams; there was an older man who studied with me and he told me that all I need to do is pass the test and enjoy the students life - that he will take my hand and guide me through the next 4 years and show me how to pass the exams with not so much effort. He explained to me that having a degree will open doors for me and not so much the marks that I will get. Fortunately, university was much easier than I expected once the pressure to succeed was off. However, deep inside, I still felt like a failure.

It was only a decay later that I could see my potential - will continue with the story in my next blog post.



By: Pablo Picasso

May 31, 2014 | By: A Woman

The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle - Day 474

imageI hereby commit myself to live the following Principles:

1. Realizing and living my utmost potential

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realizing I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realizing only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

6. Realizing that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honor and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE

11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realization that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realize I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realization that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13. Honoring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honor, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16. Realizing that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realize how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.

19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realizing it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20. Realizing that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honor, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realize this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22. The realization that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23. The realization that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth.

May 16, 2014 | By: A Woman

Practical Direction - Why and How - Day 473

Stitches & Buttons No. 2 Stretched Canvas PrintIn the course of the blog series that I am busy walking in relation to the word 'Direction' as a living expression of myself, I will be sharing within this blog post a practical solution that I have applied for myself and how this has assisted me to move from a fear of creating a friction to supportive relationship development.


The other day I was talking on the phone with a friend of mine and she told me about a decision that she had made as a 'By the way' thing and I didn't really understand why the decision was made. All I could see at that moment was a 'problem' within the decision and the consequences that such decision will have on my life. When we finished our short discussion over the phone, I felt a movement inside myself, I saw that I was reacting to the decision and backchat came up within the attempt to justify why the decision is wrong and so forth.


As I saw the backchat and the reaction starting to crawl inside my mind and body, I reminded myself that the only reason why I am reacting is because I haven't directed the point inside myself whereas for instance, I didn't ask all the questions that I required to ask, to be able to have clarity on the decision or to be more specific, I didn't discuss with my friend about her point of view of making the decision in seeing what were the points that my friend had considered when making the decision. Without gathering all the information with regards to the decision that was made, reacting in judgment/blame is not valid and if anything, it would have compromise my relationship with my friend as I would have accumulated backchat to justify my reactions and would have used it against my friend in the future, in instances where I would feel that I am being attacked on a decision that I would have made.


I mean, this had happened in the past where I would react to someone words/deeds and accumulate these reactions without giving myself a direction and thereafter, I would use the blame/reaction that I accumulated as a weapon against them to "prove my point" later in the future. These actually shows why one would believe they must accumulate reactions towards others as a protection mechanism for when they would be able to use it as a weapon against those whom one reacted to in the past - all of which to not take responsibility from the very beginning and simply direct the point so that there is clarity and understanding within one's relationships to another. I mean, doesn't it make more sense to communicate and clarify points instead of accumulate weapon against each other?


So, when I noticed the first thought that came up and the energy movement that accompanied the thought where the energy started to crawl inside my body, I stood up from within myself and didn't accept my self to continue participating in the habit. The habit is so interconnected with my 'beingness' so everything happened really fast and I knew that if I won't direct it immediately, I will compromise my relationship with my friend and therefore, I didn't allowed myself to suppress and use this moment as a weapon against my friend in the future and therefore, I decide to communicate the point with my friend and clarify for myself the starting point of the decision, asking her what were the points that she was looking at when she made the decision and we continue to clarify and communicate all the points until I was absolute clear within myself and we were again in alignment with each other.


It is interesting because in my mind, I had this fear that my friend will be impatient with me asking so many questions but the opposite had happened - she answered all the questions in detailed and appreciated the communication as it assists and supports us both in enhancing our communication level and therefore, strengthening our relationship with each other. 

For myself, it was another step in my process of direction where I moved to communication instead of suppression; as this showed me how easier life is when one is able to communicate with another instead of building up energy inside oneself that is compromising and destructive habit in one's life and one's relationships with others.




Art work: Dottie Gleason

May 6, 2014 | By: A Woman

Don't have time for headache? - Day 472

20140504_220310_resizedChronic stress has became an epidemic in today's world, as we fight for our lives and barely make it due to how the economic world system is set up.

We find ourselves spending more and more time at work and less and less time with our loved ones. The demand at work is increasing and the threat of losing our source of income is a cloud over our heads. We want to perform better, we strive for results and in doing so, we find ourselves with the feeling of "there isn't enough time".


We push ourselves to be creative, to be better, to give something new, to prove that we are worthy - we constantly THINK of our next step, our next client, our next big deal and as a result, we accepted that from time to time, we experience major headache that forces us to slow down but Hey - who have time to slow down when our survival is dependent on us continue to fight for our job?


So - the pharmaceutical industry saw an opportunity to ride on our backs and make money of our stress and so, a magic solution is provided for us, the working class, the sheep  of the world system - a magic pill that is advertised as following:

"Don't have time for headache? - it's time to consider a fast headache tablet"


But let's look at what they are actually saying - "you are such a stupid creature, a sheep, and you have no clue that you are the source of your own headaches; that your headache is a warning sign that your body produced to support you in slowing yourself down; your headache is a symptom of a dysfunctional economic system world wide that you are equally responsible in accepting and allowing the maintenance of the very same system that is causing stress and harm to your physical body but  hey,  I don't really care about you, I want to make money from your headache - I don't want you to see the truth because then my company's doors will be closed so really, just  take this tablets and forget about it all."


So people - understand - the source of the headache is the structure of our economic world system whereas we over stress the physical body, over thinking, over worrying, over fighting for our survival. The source of the headache is the system that we have created where we must push our physical body's limits in the fight for money; for some reason we all accepted the current world system to be  normal but is it? Is it normal that about 1:7 people in the first world countries is suffering from chronic stress with major physical consequences? (and please - this is just one small side effect - the world is suffering far more than headaches on the individual level)


You see, the Elite of this world have no interest in supporting your well beings - actually, it is to the contrary - the more you suffer, the more money they can make out of you. If they would to offer real solutions, their profit share is cut. You see, no one really cares about you. We don't even care about ourselves. I mean, we accepted and allowed ourselves to join the survival race without stopping for just one moment to look at solutions that would prevent the problem that you and I are facing on a daily basis - the problem that our children will face -- unless… unless we stand up and source the problem to from there, apply solutions.


Taking pain killers, cover our eyes, avoid, ignore - well - that is what we have done thus far and where did it led us? to taking stronger pain killers so that we can block the pain that we put our body through.

So, take a moment before you take your next tablet and look at the bigger picture…


Please also watch - Thinking Causes Sickness? How to rid yourself from Stress

May 4, 2014 | By: A Woman

losing yourself in the realm of validation - Day 471

Candy Broad Stretched Canvas Print

This is a blog response to the blog - Day 528: The Value of Validation by Activist's Journey To Life.


"In terms of my own experience, I can now clearly see the benefit of my dad's actions. He only would congratulate me or tell me he was proud when I actually accomplished something of note, and even that was not so much a "congratulations" but more of an acknowledgement of what I had done and a reflective discussion. I have to almost laugh - it is so difficult to describe how he would talk to you and bring such clarity to a point - I feel as though my words fall short. He encouraged me to do what I enjoyed simply because I enjoyed it. He did not tell me how great I was for actually doing something, he would just say "cool" - while on the other hand every other adult kept pushing the "well done" button, not realizing that in doing so they were creating the perfect habitat for dependance to take hold, which causes the desire for validation to outweigh the point of self expression."


A few years ago, I was playing with my nephew when he was 2 years old or less. We were outside at my parent's house and the kid started to investigate the miracle of a 'ball'. Lol - miracle because for children, an object that they are exposed to for the first time, it is like magic - they are exploring its component, shape, abilities and every moment is an experience that is so profound. So - when he realize that he can also use his legs and kick the ball, I was standing there, and without awareness of what it is that I'm actually doing, I accessed an automated preprogramming where I cheered him up every time he kicked the ball - you know - high pitch sounds of "wow"; "well done"; "you are the best" combined with lots of positive energies.


I didn't realize  at that moment that I am busy conditioning his expression within his relationship to the ball whereas, I created a moment for him to 'please me' when he kicked the ball because every time he kicked the ball, I cheered him up and if I said nothing, he just stood there, looking at me, expecting to receive a form of feedback,  rather than simply enjoying expressing himself with a ball and exploring what the ball and he can do with/for each other. So long as I participated with giving him positive feedback, he played with the ball. The moment I stopped, he stopped.


The interesting thing was that when he explored other things like for instance, gardening, he did it for hours - just him and the tools, the grass, the flowers, the leafs, the water - he was stoppable - really was enjoying himself with all that was there. No one gave him positive or negative feedback in relation to gardening and so, he could continue doing it for hours because the experience was not  conditioned to any sort of energy - it was simply a physical expression of enjoyment in exploring, discovering gardening/nature.


When I read the blog: "The Value of Validation" - the memory above came up - it was the first time that I realized how adults are influencing the child's self-expression by conditioning the expression to be dependent on specific result; Result as in how the adult reacts to a specific expression that the child is experiencing - If the adult react positively, the child will continue expressing themselves in the same way so that they are able to be rewarded with the positive feedback (Energy) they received from the adult and if the adult react negatively, the child will either stop expressing themselves completely (Suppressing themselves) or the child will express themselves secretly.


The thing is - as we grow up, we conditioned ourselves to other peoples' feedback and we completely disregard the questions - who am I in relation to this experience? Am I enjoying myself? Am I doing it for others? Am I doing it to please the adult? Am I doing it for myself? Why am I doing it? Is it supporting me and/or others?


I was one of these kids that wanted to make my parents proud in all ways possible and therefore, I would only do what I perceived to make them feel proud of me; and the things that would make them feel ashamed of me - I kept in secret or suppressed. Within that, I lost myself from the perspective of neglecting or avoiding doing the things I enjoyed doing as an expression of myself, and doing only that which will give me a reward, a positive feedback. It is quite sad when I look at this point - losing yourself in the realm of validation and positive feedback - I guess we were all conditioned to behave that way - we mold ourselves according to the feedback we get from our environment, generation after generation. I wonder how much more we can give to each other if we would change that preconditioning inside ourselves and support the children to discover self expression, self enjoyment. 




Art work: Dottie Gleason