In this blog post, I will continue sharing the story of how and why I had realized that everyone has a potential including myself and how this realization assisted me in changing the course of my life where I am able to walk as a living principle to my utmost potential. Thus, for the context, please read through the previous blog posts:
" So, if anything, the potential was and is already 'here' - I have the potential to change myself, I have the potential to forgive myself, I have the potential to fine tune my living application.
In my next blog post, I will share how I am assisting and supporting myself to change from seeing points as an absolute to realizing the potential and the process/direction that I have to walk to develop and perfect the potentials that I am able to see in myself."
Since I started my process, what was evident is the potential to change whereas, I am not bound to what I previously 'believed' or 'felt' or been 'emotional' about, I am not bound to continue my relationship with others as how I conditioned myself to live by over the years - I am able to take responsibility for what is going on inside myself and accordingly change my relationship to my outer world through firstly apply self forgiveness in self honesty and thereafter change my living application as how I have decided to live by.
Within this blog, I will share how I have changed (and still busy changing) my relationship to friendship-relationships and within that, how I am assisting and supporting myself to align my relationship with my friends to a relationship that is worthwhile.
When any relationship starts, mostly I find that there is a 'lovey dovey' time period whether it is relationship with a male or relationship with new friends. Initially, we would portray ourselves in specific ways, only sharing and revealing the 'good' parts of ourselves while the 'bad' parts remain hidden. Although, as time pass by, past patterns start playing a role and the relationship is no longer 'lovey dovey' as frictions and conflicts are becoming more evident. In the past, when the friendship-relationship shifted from the 'positive' to the 'negative' I would start isolating myself from the relationship and slowly remove myself completely from the equation. I would then repeat the same cycle with either new friends or with old friends that I haven't spoken with for years.
Over the years, I became more conservative when it comes to starting a friendship-relationship with another human being - on some levels, I knew that I would end up in the same place I always had so it was like "why even bother" type of thing. From there, I isolated myself more and more to a point where I disengaged from any social circle as I didn't want the responsibility that comes with allowing someone in my life (the self-responsibility of turning any slight reaction that was triggered by another, to myself, and investigate who I am in relation to the reaction and accordingly change myself). Obviously, from having so many people in my life to having none, I didn't feel lacking - if anything, I felt 'good' because I had zero frictions in my life that I had to sort out - I could give myself 100% attention without having to justify anything to anyone. In other words, I could remain enslaved to my own mind without having external triggers that would support me to see who I am as the mind and how I can align my living application accordingly.
I used to defined these frictions/reactions triggered by another being as a hassle but today I see these reactions as gifts, as a potential to change because how the hell would I see the misalignment inside myself if the reactions would have remained suppressed/hidden?
So, with my process of isolating myself from my external reality, every now and then I would bring someone into my life, for just a moment - I call this game 'energy fix' because that was exactly what it was - I would start a relationship with a person and very fast I moved myself through the 'drama' part of the relationship. Unconsciously I was preparing my way to end the relationship so that I could go back to my cave (comfort zone) and ignore the outer reality and within that justify to myself "but I tried - it is not me - it is them".
A year an a half ago, I was faced with a life changing decision where I could either go out there to the world and continue my isolated life or to remain where I was at that time. Initially, I decided to leave and explore the world of isolation again but fortunately there was a glimpse of a moment (I remember this moment very vividly) where I looked around and saw the people in my reality, I looked at them, at who they are and in that moment I saw the potential that exists with my decision to stay - I was ready to gift myself the opportunity to connect with other people again - for the first time in my life I saw the potential of who I am able to become within developing relationships with people that are actually worth while. Relationships that are based on support to one another where we assist each other to grow and expand ourselves. Relationships were I am able to develop self-intimacy with myself and with others on a communication level; relationships where it is clear to all participants that when a friction/conflict comes up, we do not ignore, we do not judge - we assist and support each other to see the misalignment and do the necessary correction within ourselves and our relationships.
Obviously the road ahead wasn't always easy and still isn't easy from time to time. There were many moments where I went into the old pattern of wanting to isolate myself to not having to deal with people. There was one person who introduced me to what a potential actually mean, not as an absolute point but as a point of self-development. They looked at me and told me something in those lines: "there is a gift waiting for you in the relationship. You wouldn't have dealt with your inner reactions without that person triggering these reactions from inside you. So for a moment, sit tight and walk your process - sort out yourself and soon enough the relationship will sort itself out as you change yourself and your relationship to the other being".
And this person was right and I am grateful for taking their advice - I worked and still working on my relationship with people and slowly developing a level of intimacy within each friendship-relationship that I am walking with another. What I also took from this moment was seeing the gift/potential in any single reaction that I have towards anything or anyone - the opportunity to really have a deep look inside myself until I find the misalignments that I am able to change which from there I continue walking until the next misalignment present itself.
I do not allow myself to go into the pattern of isolation and I am now busy integrating the correction within the relationship with other people in my life whereas, when a friction/conflict comes up - I do not run away from it, I will check myself, I will sort out myself and I will communicate the point with the other to find a resolution that is supporting for us. Thus, in practicality, seeing the potential in myself in relation to other people isn't something that can be clearly define before it manifest - it is something that I can indefinably see that if I allow myself to develop and perfect the relationship with myself and another, we will empower, expand and grow ourselves to become our utmost potential.
Art work: Found on media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com